You Had Me At Hello
by Devilslawyer123
Summary: When life turns you inside out, you make the most of it, don't you? What happens if life hands you Suze Simon and Jesse De Silva, the hot new English teacher? And what happens if Repetition Classes turn into something more?-- Please give it a chance! R&R!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: OK, I'm crazy to put up a new story when I have loads which I need to update, but I wanted to know how this could work out on here. Please review and give it a chance!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot and the additional characters :)**

**1**

_Someone once told me a story is sad only if you make it sad, like a memory. a memory could never be the same. You could twist it and snap it into a thousand fragments to build up what you thought was the perfection of that memory._

_My memories, however, are not like that. If I had torn up my memories to make something new, then how would I be able to tell this story?_

I was a regular visitor to the Principal's office. Much so, Father Domdecided to buy me a coffee and had it waiting for me every time he called me to the office. Sometimes, it was about stupid things such as pinning up leaflets about a certain girl doing a certain something with a certain someone…well, sorry, but if you don't want to be caught in the first place, then what's the point in doing it? You know you're gonna get caught!

I wasn't worried this time when the Principal's secretary came bustling into my English lesson and handed a slip to my teacher which asked for my presence in the Principal's office. I mean, how was I meant to know that this meeting was one to pretty much mess up my life for the next century or so? Even my _grandchildren _would be paying the debt of my foolishness. If I had knew so, I would have been legging it already and not waiting rather patiently in front of Father Dom's office, trying to eavesdrop on the conversation going on inside.

I guess Father Dom had ordered soundproof doors for _some kind _of reason because, frankly, I couldn't hear a thing except the low murmur of voices.

My bag swung loosely from my hand and I repeatedly kicked the wall in front of me out of boredom, my black trainers leaving marks on the white wall, but who cares? They buy and I wreck. Been like that since I moved here from God-knows-where.

I was kicking the wall for what seemed the twentieth time when the door opened and Father Dom – looking rather flustered, I might add – opened the door and handed me my cup of coffee along with three sugar cubes. He opened the door wider for me and I walked in, slumping into my usual seat in front of his desk, a plush leather arm chair with gold strings sewn around the edges.

I sipped some of my coffee and then looked at Father Dom, "So, I haven't bunked, skived or attacked in more than a week so I am obviously not in trouble. Why am I here"

"I just wanted to go over with you your schedule for next month," Father Dom proceed to take out a bunch of papers from the file with my name on it.

"Wait, I have a change of schedule?! Why? I've been behaving myself!" I exclaimed, glaring at the man in front of me.

"Susannah, we all know that when you haven't created havoc in some time, you're planning something. After all, you _are _the school's resident troublemaker." He arched an eyebrow at me. I sighed and leant back, gazing back at the principal with a look of utter boredom.

"So, what am I here for _other _than my messed up schedule? And do I _have _to take repeat classes for English? I'm not that bad!"

"Susannah, please relax. Anyway, yes, you will be taking repetition classes for English but you will have a new teacher next week, so I beg you, be nice. His name is Jesse De Silva, and he is just fresh out of college. I ask you not to create havoc when you do something wrong-"

"Who says it's _me _who's going to create havoc?"

"And I am asking to see less of you in this office after your new schedule is sorted." he continued, ignoring my remark. Hey, It's not always _me_ who makes trouble! What about Paul Slater? HE wasn't a little mama's boy, you know.

"Fine," I grumbled, draining my coffee, "But I'm warning you: I won't stop standing up for what is right." At this, Father Dom burst out laughing. Did I say something funny? I'm sure I didn't say something funny.

"You may go now, Susannah, and throw the cup in the bin, _not _under the armchair."

"Damn, busted." I said under my breath but still managed to send Father Dom into fresh peels of laughter. What is _wrong _with the world?!

--

Melissa, one of my apparently 'evil' cronies - can you say, yeah right? - was anxious to know if we were, once again, busted.

Seriously. That girl has no worries whatsoever other than the word busted. I mean, yeah sure, I was going to do something bad but _she _wasn't going to get the blame. It would be nice to have someone worry about _my _welfare once in a while. How about that time I found out my three month long - a record for me - boyfriend cheating on me with my cousin, who hello? Was _male_. No one was there to avenge me, nuh-uh. I had to take matters in my own hands. And you might understand, things got _nasty_.

I rolled my eyes at Melissa, "No. Don't worry, he just wanted to talk to me about my _new schedule_."

"Oh, hey! Is that sarcasm I hear in Sugar's voice?" Well, tell me one teenager who was nice and understanding after a two year long court room sentence where their parents shouted at each other who didn't want me.

Yeah, you got that right.

My parents - or rather, my _mother_ - thought that I was a) Unreliable, b) Too idiotic for my own good and c) Something a class down from a terrorist. All in all, I was the perfect daughter….Not.

"Shut it, Lucy. Sarcasm is my speciality, didn't you know? Now go get me a Low Fat Yoghurt. This Weight Watchers diet _sucks_." I handed Lucy ( A pretty blonde, and yeah, pretty dumb, too) a five pound note and smiled sweetly.

Finn, the only gay guy whom I accepted in my little group, smirked, "Love, I have no idea _why _you're having a diet when, frankly, you have the body of a model. Curvy in all the right places," I waved away his comment with a wry smile.

"Hey, you know me. Anything to keep that witch quiet," 'witch' was the little nickname Finn had labelled my dearest mother with, who - yippee! - was assigned to look after me until the age of eighteen. He hadn't believed me when I told him about the divorce the first time, but when he came to my house for a project - the only time I completed one - he was shocked to see that, yes, I was the little Cinderella. You know, the cleaning to do, the cooking, blah blah blah….

Finn snorted and shook his head, "Susannah, this ain't _on_. God, it's not your fault the marriage fell through! She should know that by now! Even Jake said so!" At the mention of my brother's name, I grimaced. Him and I weren't on the greatest terms right now. Let's just say it involved a nasty girlfriend with a personality the size of a nail file. As in, nil.

I shrugged, "Whatever. Not like I have a say in anything and- Oh my God, is that Paul?! What is he- and wait, is that Kelly? Lip locked with Melissa's _boyfriend_?!" I half shrieked. I whipped round in my seat to look at Melissa who looked so shocked, the yoghurt on her spoon was slowly dipping onto her pure white skirt. Finn, noticing this, snatched the spoon out of her hands and slid it into his own mouth, saving her from a major Fashion Breakdown. Because, you know, Melissa was the kind of girl to have a breakdown over some spilt yoghurt on her skirt.

I continued to stare at her as her mouth slowly opened and a scream like a banshee filled the cafeteria. You might understand, the whole place fell silent at once.

Taking over my Leader abilities, I stood up, and with my glass full to the brim of black coffee I stalked over to where the infamous Paul sat, tapped him on the shoulder and poured the lovely liquid on his equally lovely white Armani shirt. Hah, try taking _that _out of your precious shirt, baby!

"What the- Suze?! What the fuck you doing!?" He spluttered, standing up and trying to shake off the runny, black liquid off his shirt.

"That's for cheating on my best friend," I hissed, and pulling my arm back, I sucker punched him in the stomach. He went down like a girl, "And that, buddy, was for cheating on her with Kelly Prescott, in _the school cafeteria_," Paul was on his knees, wheezing, and all I heard from him was a meek protest like, "No, you d-don't understand,"

I mean, come on.

Kelly, on the other hand, looked absolutely horrified at having to watch her, ahem, new boyfriend bend over and spill whatever he had had for lunch over her white Chanel flip flops. Needless to say, she started screaming.

With a satisfied smile, I flounced out of the cafeteria, knowing full well that every eye was on me.

--

"Susannah, why is it that you _always _have to get into trouble?! Especially today, when you promised me just this morning I wouldn't be seeing you again!" Father Dom huffed.

I shrugged and frowned at my coffee, noticing that the sugar cubes didn't sink and melt as they should have, but they floated at the top, slowly turning from milky white to, excuse me, shitty brown.

"Susannah! I'm talking to _you_!" He slammed his fist onto the desk, trying to become Mr. Strict when really he was Mr. Soft.

I glanced at him curiously, "Yeah, I know that," I muttered. I wasn't bloody dumb!

"Then would you please, _please_, look at me as I speak to you? Don't you know any-"

"Manners young lady?" I finished off for him with a smile that made him drop his glasses. Oh, right! I still had the power!

Before Father Dom could say anything else, a soft knock sounded at the door.

"Come in," He called tiredly.

The door swung open and a man walked in. I say man, but he looked like a guy not any older than _me_. I gaped at him as he walked in with absolute ease and handed Father Dom a folder the size of my History ring binder…as in, very, very slim.

"Ah, Jesse, thank you." Wait, Jesse? As in, Jesse De Silva? The new English teacher who I have to take repetition classes from?

Oh, Bloody hell.

As the new English teacher turned to go, Father Dom called him back.

"Jesse, please stay. I want you to meet one of your class students, Susannah Simon. She will be one of the girls who have been assigned to take your Repetition Classes," I grimaced at the word and finished my coffee, "And she is our school's troublemaker. Don't get put off by her, she can be very attentive when she wants to be." I glared at Father Dom and threw the empty coffee cup at him, missing his head by inches. As he ducked, he laughed and waved me away.

"Off you go then, Susannah, hopefully I won't be seeing you again."

"Um, yeah right." I muttered, standing up and smoothing out my jeans. I heard the new English teacher laugh and I smiled brilliantly at both of them before grabbing my stuff and sweeping out of the room.

I swear to God that it's illegal for English teachers to be hot.

--

**Thanks for reading and even more thanks if you review…;) **

**Love, Devilslawyer123**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Repetition Classes? Check.

Anger Management? Check.

Boredom? Ah, yes, Check.

I scanned my new schedule, glaring at the first two in my Check List. Seriously, Anger Management? Can you say _ridiculous_? Finn laughed when he saw it, I mean who wouldn't? Anger Management? ME? Nah…

Mr. De Silva's repetition classes had started the day before and I must say, they weren't bad. He could tell us how to improve our work in a manner that didn't make you fall asleep and he was really, _really _nice.

But now I am walking home, seeing as Jake left without me…Again. Well, it doesn't bother me as much as it should. He's got a girlfriend who is such a bitch I'm scared I'd thump her if I was anywhere near her.

You know, it's not nice walking in the rain, especially if you're wearing your best chain skinny jeans, crop vest and a light leather jacket. And you know, it's pretty cold outside, especially when it rains.

I was about to duck under a bus shelter when a sleek black car pulled up beside me. The window rolled down and someone called over the thunder - yes _thunder_.

"Susannah? Hey, get in, I'll give you a ride," Even before he opened the passenger door, I knew who it was.

Is it legal for hot English teachers to give rides to bitchy students?

Gratefully, I slipped into the warm car and shivered lightly, "Thanks, sir." I said quietly, rolling the window back up. His gaze was fixed onto the road but a small smile played on his kissable lips.

Wait. I did _not _just say 'kissable lips'. thinking about what I had just thought - does that make sense? - made me blush, and Mr. De Silva noticed. Heck, he even chuckled!

"Wait, is this the Susannah Simon I met a few lessons ago?" He said lightly, his voice almost music to my ears.

Urgh, what is _wrong _with me? _music to my ears_? An English teachers VOICE?! I really must lay off that diet. It's going to my head.

"Um, yes?" I said tentatively. Mr. De Silva laughed.

"Well, I guess she found out what manners means, seeing as I just heard her say 'thanks, sir'." I blushed even deeper and looked down.

"Yeah, well this girl has had one hell of a shitty day. I mean, Anger Management?! Why would Father Dominic do that to me?" I asked innocently.

Mr. De Silva shook his head, his dark hair falling into his eyes. He brushed it away with an impatient stroke of his hand and said, "From what I heard, you seem to be angry 24/7." He arched an eyebrow at my unladylike snort. I mean, yeah, I am angry, but I have my _reasons_! Come on! My boyfriend was cheating on me with a flipping _guy_!

I told my teacher about this then regretted it. Why did I tell him about my boyfriends changing sexual orientation when he was with me?

Instead of laughing, he frowned a little, "Well, that's inconvenient. So, is that why you are so, excuse me, out of your head?"

"Out of my head?" I asked, shocked. Because, truthfully, it sounded like a compliment.

"yes," He answered, matter-of-factly, as if teenaged girls talking about their gay boyfriends to him happened every day.

"Um, no? How about you add in a crazy divorce, a half alcoholic mother, _the _gay boyfriend and a boring life, then yeah, anyone would be out of their head." I said huffily.

"Ah, I see,"

We didn't talk for a while and I studied his profile as he concentrated on the road, the shifts of his expressions and the relaxing of his features.

He was, without doubt, the most gorgeous man I had ever met.

"Turn here, please," Again, he chuckled at my politeness and I blushed. What _is _with the blushing?! I never blush!

Mr. De Silva turned smoothly into my road and frowned a little at the street. Yeah, it's not the best place ever. Your classical poor neighbour hood, the one you see in the movies. You know, graffiti walls, bins lying all over the place, little kids playing out and all that. Well, I never said I was rich, did I?

"Which house?" He asked, slowing the car down as I pointed it out.

I unbuckled my seatbelt and got out, not daring to look at the hot man who gave me a ride.

"Hey," He called softly, and like an idiot I looked back. An inscrutable expression adorned his God like face, "Hopefully I'll see you in class." I nodded and without another word, I turned and ran up the driveway to my house.

--

I stood in front of my closet, staring at the clothes that hung lifelessly from their hangers. I really needed to but a new set of clothes. These all looked…drab. Sighing, I picked out a black skirt and my favourite blood red vest that hugged all my curves, or so Finn thought. To say the truth, I didn't really care about what I wore, as long as it made me look good and I felt good in them, you know?

From downstairs, I could hear the clattering of pans in the sink and the low whistle humming that my brother had taken to do when he was thinking about something.

His girlfriend had come back with him and wanted to spend the night with him so I had to leave a.s.a.p. Jake even handed me fifty pounds to spend at the club. Jeez, didn't he know that fifty pounds in a sophisticated club like the one Paul - I know, I'm bad to be going out with my friends ex boyfriends, but it had to be done - was taking me to, didn't even buy you a quarter shot of whisky?!

I pulled at my carefully made up locks and dragged on the clothes, mostly unwillingly. The thing I hated the most was clubbing during the week. I mean, what if I got drunk? That would mean I would have to hang around home all day and listen to crappy TV shows and most likely _not _get on with whatever I planned for my next victim.

But I had to do this. .

At ten to nine, Pauls silver BMW pulled up in front of my house and I saw him get out, gangly limbs and all. He really wasn't the kind of guy I would go for. I usually went for men with muscle and a personality, and Paul? He owned neither, but I guess I was going out with him because of how he helped me a few months back.

Trust me, if a mate tells you that someone is not good for you, listen to them. If I had done so, I would never have found myself behind bars in the first place.

But that's another story _entirely_.

I took the stairs two at a time and reached under the hall table for my shoes, extracting them from the possessive hold of dust bunnies. Evil things, dust bunnies.

The doorbell rang once and I shouted, "Coming!"

Before it could ring again - Paul had a tendency to ring the bell _at least _four times - I was out of the door and into the arms of a man I was quickly learning to avoid.

"Hello, Susannah," His voice was something between a growl and a croak, all in all not pleasant. He leaned down to kiss me and I quickly dodged him,

"Um, yeah. Let's get going, shall we?" I broke his hold and skipped to the car, my leather hand bag securely around my wrist. I didn't trust him one bit.

He looked confused but got into the car. The BMW was the only thing I liked about him. I really needed to get my driving licence.

The club was different form the local ones I usually went to. I mean, this club had _neon lights _around the frigging BAR. All I'm saying is, thank God I wasn't wearing my favourite light green dress, or I would be shining like a traffic light on the dance floor. I shuddered at the thought.

The big question was: Why did Sav take me to a sophisticated club when he didn't dance? That was the first thing I learnt about him. His No Dancing rule which he atrociously stuck by. And why take me to a club when I was to dance on my own? All the guys dancing here looked kinda…boring, to say the least. They were trying _way _to hard to fit in, but only succeeded in looking more out of place than they already were.

Paul must have read the confusion in my eyes because he chuckled - not a nice sound - glanced in the mirror and stroked his jet black, jelled hair. I hate men who wore so much gel it looked like their hair was made out of shiny plastic. How am I supposed to stroke their hair while kissing them, without getting my fingers embarrassingly stuck?

"OK, Suze. You want a drink?" I nodded and went after him, to the bar. We had to squeeze past sweaty bodies that smelled a lot of Blue Jeans gone bad, before we got to the bar and settled in two available seats. They were actually comfortable, which I'm sure they're not supposed to be. How are people going to get you off them and onto the dance floor? Then again, if you were tired and sat on the stool, then you'd have to pay for a drink and the club would get more money.

"So? What is it?" He asked impatiently, gesturing at the little cocktail menu in front of me. I grimaced at all of the cheesy names - Sexy Girls, Dance floor Disco, Summer Love - then decided on the one that didn't sound so revolting.

"Blueberry Winter," I answered, my voice cold.

Paul nodded and called over the bartender, ordering our drinks quickly and quietly. The bartended arrived seconds later, holding two long glasses in each hand, with what looked like cherries in the liquid.

I took a sip of my drink and finally asked, "OK, so why are we here? You don't like dancing, remember?"

Paul seemed to ponder my question then answered smoothly, "I have an apartment upstairs, and I thought this would be the perfect place to get you going," wait, what? _get me going_? Was he insinuating that we…_ew_! Not with him! That would just turn me off for life!

I set my drink down and laughed nervously, "Paul, I like you but I don't think that we-" He cut me off by leaning over and pressing his lips demandingly on mine. His hands wrapped around my neck, holding me there, daring me to move.

My hands were on his shoulders and I shoved as hard as I could, until finally, he broke off the kiss with a satisfied sigh.

"You owe me, Suze." I cringed away from his hands and was off the school in seconds. No, make that _half _a second.

"I owe you _nothing Paul_! You didn't have to help me out if you didn't want to!" I growled, grabbing my bag and starting to head off for the dance floor.

Paul's hand shot out and grabbed my arm, his hold was of iron, "Oh no you don't, you silly bitch." He growled.

"Just let go! What do you think my brother would do if I don't come back tonight and he knows that _you _were the last one who saw me?" I hissed, clawing at his fingers.

"Nothing. It's not like you've haven't been out all night already, so what would Mack be able to do? Nothing." he said smugly.

He wrapped his arms around me and started kissing me, as if he was _commanding _me to do so, his body was sop tight, pressed against mine, that when I started pushing at him, my elbows jabbed into my collarbones.

"Get _off_," I shouted against his lips. He pressed himself harder, and then he was gone. All I could hear was a strangled yelp as he fell to the floor with a thump.

Well, I certainly didn't do _that_.

"Did you know she's underage?!" a male voice growled. I staggered back and touched my lips where they felt sore from all the forcing.

I looked at the two men, Paul lying on the floor in shock and another man standing over him, clearly outraged. He wore tight black jeans and a white button up shirt, obviously one of the bartenders. There was something obviously familiar about him, and until he straightened up, I couldn't see who it was, but when he did, I wanted to moan out loud and run for the nearest exit.

Jesse De Silva, my new, hot, kissable English teacher was trying to calm himself down. There weren't many onlookers, thank God, but it still felt as if every eye was on us.

"Come on, I'll take you home," He growled, grabbing my wrist. As soon as we were out in the cold night, I wrenched myself free.

"Thanks, but I can get my own ride back." I snapped. Which wasn't very nice if you thought about it. I mean, the guy had just, well, saved me and I was snapping at him.

Mr. De Silva gave a low, humourless chuckle, "I don't think so. The last thing I want is for one of my students to go hitchhiking." I stopped walking and glared at him.

" who the hell said I was going to hitchhike? I do have friends, you know." I snapped again. He rolled his eyes at me. He was more a child than I could ever be.

_But that's because you forgot what being a child is, _a snide voice whispered at the back of my mind. That snide voice was _really _getting on my nerves.

"I know that. But your friends are not what I would call _reliable_."

"Oh, where's the nice teacher who gave me a life home this afternoon? Did you forget him at home, sir? Or are you his evil twin brother?" I hadn't meant to make it come out as a joke, but Mr. De Silva laughed and suddenly his mood seemed to be lighter.

"Well, you see I just hate to see my students in danger," he said lightly, releasing my wrist to open the door of the sleek black car. I stepped into the passenger seat grudgingly and buckled my seatbelt.

I stared out of the window as Mr. Slade turned the ignition and changed the gear into 'reverse'.

"I'm sorry if I upset you, Susannah. But that man…well, it didn't look like you wanted to be in his company, and when he forced himself on you like that, I thought how _wrong _it was. I'm sorry." his apology sounded almost sincere, but it didn't stop me from throwing him a shocked glance.

"You know, you really are a piece of work," I said, grinning at his confused expression, "Messing around with me like that. Just because you're a teacher, it doesn't mean that I won't thump you if you annoy me, you know, and your apologies aren't going to get you _nowhere_." I snarled, yanking at my bag so I could grab my buzzing phone.

As I answered the text, I was pissed off enough to not notice the look of hurt that flashed briefly in his eyes. His _gorgeous _eyes.

_Do the dry cleaning, the dishes and your brothers room please. I might not be home before tomorrow afternoon. Mother._

Mother. Which mother would call herself mother?

"Old witch, fucking die why don't you?" I muttered under my breath as I deleted the text. I wasn't going to go into my _brothers _room after he had that bitch in there. That would be just gross. And she can do her own dry cleaning for crying out loud! I wasn't the responsible one!

"Is everything all right?" Mr. De Silva asked, his eyes clouded with concern.

"Fine." I replied coolly. He dropped the subject and let out a long, drawn out sigh.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked.

"Of course," He nodded, his eyes trained on the road.

"Um, why are you dressed as a bartender? And why were you in a club? Don't you have work to do?" Mr. De Silva chuckled at my questions and shook his head.

"I took on a bartending job in the club, I needed the money, so that's how I can explain my presence there tonight. And as for marking the homework's which have been handed in, I did all that and realised that I am missing your essay. The one about Shakespeare and his use of language." He explained.

Absurdly, I blushed.

"Sir, I read a bit of the text you gave us and fell asleep after five lines! What am I supposed to write about _that_? Anyway, I hate Shakespeare." one of the lamest excuse in history, but still.

"Ah, well, I'll expect it in class tomorrow then. Just write what you think, alright?" he turned into my streets and averted his eyes from the gang of guys smoking on the curb.

Some of them called out to me and I waved back. They were my neighbours, after all.

He stopped the car in front of my driveway and sighed, running a hand through his soft looking hair. Everything about him was screaming: _Take me!_

Oh, and how I wanted to. Take him and make him mine.

As soon as I thought that, I screamed inwardly at myself. I was being stupid and just like any other infatuated seventeen year old. Urgh.

We stayed in silence for a minute, and just when I was about to reach for the door and go home, he grabbed my wrist, "Please don't think anything bad about this, Susannah. I don't want you to think I am your enemy because of what I teach, and I certainly do not want you to think I'm acting superior after what happened tonight at the club. I don't want you to think I am patronizing you." he said in a soft, quiet voice.

I shook my head in response, "What does it matter what I think of you? I'm just your student. My opinions don't count."

Before he could say anything else, I wrenched the car door open and slammed it shut, hurrying up the driveway to my house.

When I went up to my room - not oblivious to the soft moans coming from the room next to mine - I realised with some disbelief that Mr. De Silva was still out there, and I also noticed that he hadn't left until I had switched off my bedroom light


	3. Chapter 3

**3**

I looked cryptically at Melissa's clothes. Was she in _mourning _or something? Sure, Paul had been her boyfriend for months now, and she had found him - well, no _I _had found him - cheating on her with the schools slut beside myself. But it wasn't _that _bad! I mean, people suffer worst, don't they?

Melissa was dressed from head to foot in black. Whilst on some people, the colour might look rather appealing, on her it made her chalk white skin stand out more, which in consequence made her look like a corps.

I was about to tap her on the shoulder - she was sitting in the row in front of my lonely back desk - but the door opened and Mr. De Silva walked in, a flustered look in his face.

"OK, class! Please, settle down!" He shouted at the talking, noisy and irritating class. I sunk back into my seat, trying to hide myself behind the backs of other people in front of me.

Hey, I didn't say I wouldn't so the essay right? All I did was print a ready done essay off the internet. But somehow, I knew Mr. De Silva was in a shitty mood and the fact that the words used in the essay were not mine, well, I was sure as hell it would _probably _make my day. Not.

There were deep dark shadows under his eyes, and he looked as if he hadn't slept in days. His full mouth was pulled down at the corners in a frown and his hands seemed to tremble. He wasn't looking his best. Actually, he was looking bloody awful.

"Alright, James please collect the missing essays whilst I write on the board today's targets. I want _no _talking, is that clear? The first one to talk will be sent straight to the Principle's office." Oh, wow, was he playing tough guy?

James arrived at my table and I handed him my white sheet of paper, neatly folded, and he smirked, "Did your work, did ya? Or did you pay someone _dirty money _to do so?"

"Bite me, man hoe." I snapped, kicking him in the shin.

"Ow!" he yelped, and, with a wink, he shouted at Mr. De Silva, "Sir! Suze hit me!" Oh, what a girl!

"I did not!" I screamed indignantly. I stood up and glared at Mr. De Silva, if only he _dared _shout at me or do anything stupid, I was going to right up to him and wrap that pretty tie of his real tight around his lovely neck.

Mr. De Silva blew out a breath and narrowed his eyes, "Out. Both of you."

My mouth fell open with an audible _pop _but I stood up, grabbed my bag and stalked out, not bothering to wait at the door as Mr. De Silva obviously wanted, but continued down the hall to the schools basement.

Behind me, I could hear James' cold laugh and Mr. De Silva's angry footsteps coming after me. I took a sharp turn and jogged down the metal fire escape stairs behind the gym. His footsteps followed and I wondered why the hell did he leave the class on it's own. Just then, the bell rang and I started speeding up, my feet making thundering noises on the metal.

When finally I reached the bottom, I pushed open the heavy metal door, a loud screech sounded as the bottom scraped the metal boards that formed a semi protection from the rotten wood beneath.

Before I could close the door, Mr. De Silva's hand reached out and grabbed my arm.

"Let me go!" I snapped at him, tugging at my arm. He was holding on so tight, I thought he was going to ruin my sweater. It was cashmere! A delicate, bloody expensive fabric! Didn't he realise?!

"No. Susannah, come on, come out." He said softly, tugging at my arm. I made an 'ugh' sound - not flattering, by the way - and wrenched myself free. As I walked quickly into the basement, dust rose from the floor and settled on my clothes.

Four cardboard boxes were set in a corner shape and I settled myself in between, clutching my bag tightly.

If Mr. De Silva knew I was pissed at him, he didn't let on. He just sat opposite me in his black khaki

trousers and white shirt and waited quietly for me to calm down. Good luck with that.

"Go away," I said quietly, hoping that he would do as I ask and this would not end up in something violent. I really didn't want to get kicked out of school or maybe even _arrested _for attacking a teacher. Even if it was for a good cause.

"No, I have every right to be here. Susannah, why did you run away?" He said softly, concern furrowing his brow. I turned my glare on his perfectly pressed silk black tie. I wonder how long it took _him _to dish out fifty quid for that tie. Did he even have to sweat blood for it, like my brother does? Or did he only have to ask his good old bank account for a fifty and the machine handed it to him, without asking if 'it was alright to pay a 25 pound debt with it'.

Mr. De Silva took my hand and I wanted so badly to wrench it away, that I flinched at his warm touch. This wasn't normal. It _so _wasn't normal that a teacher would take your hand and try to make you talk to them. Mostly, they didn't give a damn. Why was he so different? Did he see in me what every other male saw in me? Was I his _target_ for the year?

The thought alone wanted me to throw up and I daren't look at him.

"Susannah, talk to me." He said, his voice quiet but something like an order resounded in his tone.

"No. Go away and leave me in peace." I said, my lips barely moving. What I really wanted to do was get up and stalk out, but I could feel my knees shake beneath me - though I was sitting down - and I knew that if I stood up, I would most probably fall.

Why was I feeling betrayed? Why wouldn't I feel betrayed when Father Dom said something bad about me, or even caught me out?

Wait, was I starting to have a _soft spot _for this guy?! Whoa. Maybe Finn was right and I really _had _ a weird disease for attracting older men. But what could I say? Older men always had their wallets on them, most probably with a lot of handy cash, too.

Mr. De Silva sighed and made himself more comfortable, his head resting on one of the boxes, never letting go of my hand.

"You are one extraordinary student, Susannah. I just wish you wouldn't think of me as an enemy." Ah, those words, the same words he said to me the night before. Did he think he was going to get a crack at me? _please_!

"Sir, I don't give a damn about what you think, alright?! All I care about is that you were going to send me to the principle's office for no reason! Sure I kicked him, but he provoked me, didn't he? You _never _listen to my side of the story, but always just go along with whatever other people say!" It was true. Since he had been my teacher, he never tried to listen to my side of the facts. It was always 'please, calm down Susannah' or 'Susannah, I'd rather you take out your bad side outside of my classroom'. How unfair is that? And I thought my _brother _was bad!

Mr. de Silva gave a low chuckle and answered smoothly, "You underestimate me. I wasn't going to get you into trouble for nothing, you know. I was actually going to try and make you two settle things between yourselves in a non-violent way and see how things would go from there," I took in a shaky breath and looked down at his tanned hand resting lightly over my slightly shaky one. It seemed weird, but it looked like my hand _belonged _in his.

"Whatever. Can I be alone now?" I said coldly, slowly extracting my hand from his. Mr. De Silva moved closer and touched my cheek lightly with the tip of his fingers.

"Why do you always want to be alone? You're such a pretty, intelligent girl. You can go so far in life but decide to throw it all away for your own pleasure. Don't you realise that, one day, you're going to regret this? All of this?" His voice was so silky smooth it was like honey. Smooth. But also that it got stuck to you, however hard you tried _not _to make it, it would always slip off the spoon and stick on you.

"I don't know what you're trying to say. Mr. De Silva, not all of us are rich, amazing people who had an amazing life and all. Some of us really _do _need to escape from reality for a while and hope that when they come back, all the shit's gone." Mmm, not too bad for a girl who hated English. My metaphor seemed to hit Mr. De Silva.

"You don't have to make it that way," He insisted, his eyes fierce with something unreadable, "Susannah, listen to me. From what I heard, you could be the best student in this school, you could reach high, but you decide to throw it all away for violence and literally terrorizing the female population. Not only female but male too. Why would you do such a thing? Why would you choose terror over logic?"

He reached out and cupped my chin, forcing me to look at him. I wanted to cry. Was he trying to say I was a crappy person in what I was doing? I already _knew _that! HE didn't have to bloody well _highlight _it!

"Go away! Don't you fucking patronize me! No one ever has, and _you _certainly can't come waltzing into my life and think you can be a mothafucking saviour!" I shouted. Thank God no one could hear us. The Gym above us was loud with thundering, echoing footsteps.

Mr. De Silva's horrified expression only made me angrier and I wrenched myself away from his touch, "You _disgust _me! You have no idea how hard I strived to obtain all of _this_! Not everyone can handle a sweet life like _you_! I have a mother would could be a bloody slut for all the times she came home drunk with a new man, my dad is _dead_, hung himself from the kitchen beams, my brother is an idiot, my life is shit! And you think you can just tell me what I can be?! Get real! Your life isn't real! Yours is a dream! Open your eyes and _show _me that you don't believe all that student achievement crap!" I shouted at him, curling myself tighter around those boxes that smelt slightly of honeysuckle and jasmine.

Mr. De Silva kept his eyes on me as I ranted at him. He probably thought that I was out of my mind, maybe more than what he already thought.

As I shuddered to a decisive, dreadful stop, I noted with horror that my eyes were wet. I don't cry. That's against my rules. Totally against them. Like breaking my own law. I can't stand people who cry, think of them as ninny's.

Mr. De Silva crouched near me and wrapped his strong feeling arms around me, letting me sob all over his pristine white shirt.

"Ssh, it's alright, it's alright." He said quietly, brushing hair away from my mouth. _please don't do this_, a voice whis3pered in my head, pleading with the man in front of me.

"It's not fair…" I moaned quietly, feeling the salty tears on my lips, dissolving in my mouth. I found myself holding onto him, wishing he wouldn't let go. Wishing that I wasn't the slutty, depraved girl I obviously was.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry, Susannah. I'm sorry for not having listened to you before. If only I knew…I'm sorry." He whispered in my ear. I just held him tighter and cried as much as I could, making sure this was going to be the last time. I had stopped crying when I was eight and my father killed himself.

When all the tears had dried and I was sure my voice wouldn't break, I pulled away from him. He was a teacher after all. He would say that he was sorry, wouldn't he?

"Sorry." I said quietly. I looked away and pressed the palms of my hands against my eyes, trying to stop the obscene blurring.

"Susannah, it's not your fault! It was mine. I should have realised that I was patronizing you. I told you last night I wouldn't do such a thing, and just now I did." Mr. De Silva's eyes were trained on my face, waiting for something.

I sighed and nodded. I didn't try to argue with him. I trusted him. Strange, but true.

I stood up and made my way to the emergency exit. The idea of skiving the rest of the day off was without doubt the best idea yet.

Mr. De Silva grabbed my hand and I looked down at him. Slowly, he stood up, brushing the dust off from his clothes, then took my hand and said quietly, "Come on, I want to take you somewhere."

Take me somewhere? Oh God.

We walked to the emergency exit and he let go of my hand, his eyes distant. I wondered what he was thinking about. Was he trying to take things from me so he could tell Father Dom? Would he do such a thing? Or did he just feel I needed some time away from the school? Would he tell someone about my crazy rant?

Suddenly, I didn't trust him so much. In a few sentences, I told him abut everything I feared, but he didn't say anything about himself. Didn't reveal and inch. Hopefully, by tomorrow, he would have forgotten everything.

--

He took me to a small beach off the town coast. it was a calm place, where the sea crashed quietly against the weathered rocks and the sand was screaming at you: _take me! Touch me!_

A small ice cream parlour sat lonely behind a binding of trees, a park, with old tables set outside with rickety chairs, and a nice, home-y feeling to the place inside.

Mr. De Silva bought me an ice cream and we sat quietly outside. I looked around with a great interest, drinking in all of the details. It was such a beautiful place and I would probably never see it again.

Mr. De Silva was studying my face with an inscrutable expression, and when he spoke his voice was reserved, "Susannah, I want you to trust me. I won't say a word about what you said to me today in the basement. All of this will be between us and whenever you need to talk, take anything out of your system, count on me. I'll be your personal punch bag if necessary." I laughed and finished off my ice cream, evaluating his offer.

"Alright." I finally answered. Mr. De Silva shot me a dazzling smile, his white teeth gleaming, "But promise me also that you won't try and make me do things I don't want. That just makes me flip, even though they might be totally normal things. And please don't look at me like I'm a beat up old dog when we're in class, OK? People will just guess the wrong thing and I'll - _we'll _get into trouble for nothing." Mr. De Silva nodded and grinned at me, standing up.

"Come on, I'll show you this place."

When I got home that evening, I knew that everything that had happened had been too good to be true.

--

**A/N: Some of the people who reviewed have corrected me on the pound/dollar factor. I did forget to mention that this story is based in the UK and is AU, too. Thanks to everyone who reviewed previously and everyone who will review this chapter!**

**devilslawyer123**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: sorry about before! I know I wrote 'Keith' instead of 'Jesse' in some parts, but that's because I'm writing a story with a guy called Keith and I always thought Jesse looked more like a Keith than a Jesse. Sorry about that! :)**

**4**

Damn school to the fiery pits of hell. If school didn't exist then maybe I wouldn't have skipped and _maybe _I wouldn't find myself in a police station waiting for _someone _to pick me up. As I said, damn school to the fiery pits of hell.

I kicked the wall repeatedly, my black trainers leaving scuff marks on the white bricks, which gained me a nasty look from the officer at the desk.

"No one answered the phone at home so they sent me from school to pick you up," I jumped a meter high in the air and whirled round to come face to face with Jesse De Silva, my oh so sexy English teacher. Great.

"Whatever." I muttered and hitched my bag onto my shoulder, looking anywhere but at him.

"Susannah, can you please tell me why you skipped school?" he asked, his voice low and silky.

"No, piss off." I hissed and started for the parking lot. I could see his sleek black car parked by the entrance. I'm sure English teachers aren't supposed to pick up stupid, reckless students from Police Stations. I mean, if Father Dom cared so much, then why didn't_ he _pick me up?!

He caught up with my in no time, of course. Long legs like his, who wouldn't catch up with little ol' me?

I got into his rich boy's car and glared at the station outside the window.

"What's the matter?" Mr. De Silva asked softly, touching my hair where one lock curled at the nape of my neck.

"Nothing. Seriously, I'm fine." I grumbled, wanting so badly to move away but I knew I couldn't. even if it tried.

"Susannah, don't lie. Something is up with you. Come on, tell me, you know you can." I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and held it. I couldn't look at him. If I looked at him, who knew what crap I would blab?

"Nothing is up, OK? It's the usual. My brother mostly and even some guys from the year above." I felt him tense beside me and I turned to look at him, opening my eyes.

His eyes were ablaze with something unreadable, his hands clenched into tight fists and his jaw set. All in all, he looked like a kill ready to…well, kill.

"Mr. De Silva? Are you alright?" I asked, touching one of his clenched fists.

His eyes snapped to look at me and he cupped my face, crushing his lips against mine. His mouth was fiery, angry, and soft, like he wanted to kiss me so badly and was trying not to hurt me. In shock, I didn't know what to do, so I ran a hand through that silky black hair of his, moaning at it's softness and kissed him hungrily back.

So maybe I _did _know what to do. It was crazy what we were doing…Illegal. But I had my fair share of illegal activities. One more couldn't hurt, could it?

His hands ran expertly down my back and his lips became softer against mine, more tender, taking away the bruising he had given me before.

"Susannah…"He whispered, pulling away so he could see in my eyes.

"Yes, Mr. De Silva?" I breathed, leaning in again.

"Call me Jesse," And then he leaned in and kissed me again.

--

He didn't take me to school, or home, or even to the small beach we had gone to before.

Instead, he took me to his apartment.

You might think 'Oh my, his _apartment_?' maybe you'd think something _bad _was going to happen.

I assure you, nothing happened. Much to my chagrin.

Jesse opened the door and led me inside, giving me a slow smile, "I just need to finish a bit of work and then I'll take you home," I nodded and stood awkwardly in the hallway as he busied himself around the living room, tidying stuff up and looking at letters that were strewn on the coffee table.

He glanced up and grinned, "Come on, Susannah. Don't tell me you're _embarrassed."_

"Very funny." I muttered and Jesse walked over to me, wrapping his strong arms around my waist and pulling me close.

He nuzzled my neck and kissed my jaw before he whispered, "I won't _bite_. Come on, make yourself at home." he let go of me and sprawled on the sofa, patting the space beside him. Nervously - now, how did _that _happen? - I sat next to him and looked around.

It was a small apartment, one bedroom, with a small kitchen and an average sized living room. Not what you'd expect a English teacher/ Bartender to live in.

"Are you going to tell me why you skipped school?"Jesse murmured, his eyes closed.

"No."

"Fair enough," He sat up and kissed my cheek before heading to the kitchen where I heard the kettle boil. Five minutes later, he walked back in with a mug of steaming hot chocolate and a packet of digestive biscuits.

He set them down in front of me and I attacked the biscuits as if I haven't eaten in months. Jesse kept his eyes on me, a thoughtful smile on his lips. The lips I had kissed only minutes before.

Without waiting for me to approach him, Jesse took me into his arms and kissed me again, running his hands through my hair. The tip of his tongue traced my bottom lip and just as I got into the moment, he pulled away and grinned.

"How about now?" he asked in a low voice.

"No," I got off his lap and started to look around his living room. It was something you'd expect an English teacher to live in, really. A large book case took up half of the wall nearest the large bay window, the shelves were covered with old classics like Jane Austen, Shakespeare, Faulkner, Brontë, Stephen King…(Hah, if Mr. De Silva- I mean, Jesse could hear my thoughts, he would have been impressed by my knowledge of old classics).

There was an old fire place in front of the old sofa which flickered low flames I hadn't noticed before.

"This place is…wow." I murmured. Jesse laughed behind me and I heard him shift on the sofa.

"Wow? I think that is the nicest thing you ever said to me…I never bought anyone here before," He added quietly, and when I turned, he was looking at me with an inscrutable expression on his face.

"Why? I mean, someone like you should probably have had tons of girls already, right? Especially being an English teacher. Girls think that is hopelessly romantic. And you look so hot in your bar tending clothes," I really _should _learn to keep my mouth shut as I caught Jesse's look of shock.

"Do _you _find me hopelessly romantic?" he asked, crossing his legs and leaning back into the cushioned sofa, his face guarded.

I fiddled with my belt as I answered, blood colouring my cheeks, "Well, I…I don't know, do I? I mean, you just kissed me outside a police station after I told you … what did I tell you? Oh yeah, about my brother and the guys from the year above…_That _isn't hopelessly romantic in my book. I mean, it's not like I can judge much, seeing with all my one night stands and whole nighters…." I was babbling. Boy, was I babbling. I kept staring at the floor and turning redder with each word that left my lips, and all this time Jesse just stared at me as if I was crazy.

Which I probably was. Sugar has that effect on me.

"You had all nighters?" Well, no _duh_!

"Not loads of them. Maybe one or two. Or three…maybe even four. But that's beside the point. Why did you kiss me?" I asked, a tad bit indignant.

Jesse chuckled, "Why did you kiss me back? It's the same question, isn't it?"

"It is?" I asked, confused. Kissing someone is the same thing as kissing someone back?

He stood up and walked over to me, kissing my forehead. Immediately, I wanted to kiss him back and make him love me as much as he could. I wrapped my arms around his neck and breathed in his scent, standing on my tiptoes so I could reach his lips.

"See?" he murmured breathlessly - the mere thought I made him breathless made me giddy with joy (Yes, _giddy_) - "It's impossible to not kiss someone when they're like _you_. So smart and funny and _brattish_."

"Brattish? Is that even a word?" I asked, resting my forehead against his lips.

"Yes, it is. And _you _are the exact picture of a brattish, sexy, smart girl. Tell me who wouldn't fall for you?" he pulled away and grinned at me.

"Well, I certainly didn't think _you _would. You deserve so much better. How do you know I won't cheat on you?"

"Then I will break the legs of the man you cheat on me with." He joked, pressing soft kisses along my neck.

"Oh, OK," I said breathlessly before being taken to heaven and back by his lips on mine.

--

I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling in shock. Had I fallen asleep?

I sat bolt upright and looked around, feeling Jesse's arms around my waist.

The room was dark and the clock ticked ominously by the door.

I prodded Jesse, "Wake up," in response, he groaned and buried his head against my legs. "Jesse, wake up! You promised to take me home _ages _ago! It's…what time is it? Jesse!" I jabbed him in the ribs and he swore, sitting up and looking around.

I tugged at my sweater and glared at him.

"Damnit, what time is it?" He looked down at his glowing watch and swore again, jumping up and running a hand through his tousled hair.

"What time is it?" I asked, standing up and stretching.

"It's past one in the morning," He looked down at me, obviously upset, "Sorry. I know I promised you…-" wait, it was one o'clock in the _morning_?! Why hadn't Jake phoned yet? I looked at my phone and frowned. 0 messages or phone calls. Huh. Well _that _shows how much he cares.

"Oh my God." I muttered, slumping back into the sofa.

Jesse kneeled in front of me and gave me a slow, sultry smile, rubbing his thumbs on my shaking knees, "Please don't be mad at me," He breathed, "I _swear _I'll take you home before anyone wakes up, OK?"

"OK," I answered, a bit grudgingly. Jesse grinned and kissed me on the lips. The kisses he gave me never ceased to make my heart do cartwheels.

"C'mon, you'll be more comfortable sleeping on the bed than sleeping here. I'll sleep here tonight." I protested feebly and he picked me up - he's the only man who wouldn't get a punch in the gut for it - and took me to the bedroom where a king sized bed was placed under one big bay window.

As soon as he set me down and brushed the hair out of my face, I was bathed in the comfortable sheets.

"Get some sleep, beautiful." He whispered before giving me one last kiss and leaving the room.

--

**A/N: I know this isn't as long as it should have been and it isn't as **_**good **_**as it should have been, but I swear that I had Writer's Block and I couldn't write anything better. Tell me, are they moving to fast? Should I take things down a little bit? Review please!**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**Jesse's point of view.**

Susannah's hands were in my hair, her body pressed hard against mine. But my mind wasn't on the kiss, I wasn't concentrating on what I was doing, in consequence my body language was all over the place.

She pulled away and pouted at me, "That's it?" She asked, her voice low and husky. I sighed and let my arms fall away from her, turning away.

"I'm sorry, Susannah." I whispered, looking down at the floor. It was rare that I felt all over the place whilst kissing a girl. I couldn't do it. It was stupid. It wasn't only my future I was looking at, it was hers, too. If someone ever found out, I would lose my career and Susannah…well, Susannah could never have the future I hoped she would.

"Sorry?" Susannah asked, shock resounding clearly in her voice.

"Yes. This is stupid and you know it. We should stop before it gets anything serious." I muttered, looking into her eyes.

They were hard slits, glaring at me as if I was a disgusting bug that had crawled from under her shoe, "Serious? You think I'd get serious with someone like _you_? Oh, spare me. Just say it: You wanted to see if what all the guys said about me was true. There you go, they're true. Now what?" she crossed her arms and moved away from me, as if only _looking _at me repulsed her.

She was right. After all, I was a disgusting person. A pervert. The first kiss had been truly amazing, when she had told me she was getting some trouble from the boys of the year above and I wanted to hold her in my arms and stop anyone from harming her. But now…I hadn't been thinking at first. Who would be? Would _you _be? But now, as I thought over the consequences, I was scared.

With a kiss, I was capable of crushing her future in my hands

Even thought I loved her, boy did I love her, it was stupid, reckless even.

"Now, you go home and act like you've always had without me. I don't care. Goodbye, Susannah." and with that, I left her standing in the basement of the school, looking as if, well, I had ripped her heart out and stomped on it.

--

If I had thought that Susannah would let me get away with it, then I was stupidly eluded. The trouble began the next day, fourth period.

We were studying - as part of the Citizenship course each English class taught once a year - the relationships between teachers and their students, of all things.

We were talking about the various relationships between teachers and students - physical and non-physical - when Susannah puts her hand up and says, "Have _you _ever had a physical or non-physical relationship with a student, sir?"

And the need to say _yes, yes I did _was so strong, I looked at the bunch of papers in front of me and lied, "No, I haven't. Such a relationship would be stupid and reckless, ruining the future of both people."

Susannah looked down at the table, a look of betrayal and anger etched in her features. I looked away and continued with my tutorial.

But with her question started a flow of inappropriate questions from other students, such as: "Have you ever had a physical relationship with someone so much younger than you?" or "Have you ever gotten your girlfriend pregnant?" and when I said no to both questions, there was a lot of whispering and unsure glances.

The thought of dumping Susannah before anything actually happened had been painful, but it was even worse when I thought of how I was a lying, cheating bastard and thank God Susannah hadn't found out.

When I was eighteen, my father arranged a marriage for me and a woman called Louise Ashford. I was to get married when I was eighteen, but I reasoned with my father and told him that a marriage would get in the way of my studies. My father had agreed to wait until after my university and I was to get married on the day of my diploma.

Luckily, the job here in England had cropped up and I took it at once, fleeing from my father, lying to him by saying it was a temporary course from the university which I hadn't been able to do during the year so the school board had told me I could take part in it after my diploma and send them a résumé.

So when the door to my class opened and the secretary waddled over to me, I wasn't expecting much. It was the words that left her mouth that shocked me the most.

"Mr. de Silva, there is a woman, your fiancée apparently, at the office. She would like to speak to you…?" the whispering in the class had died down, so the majority of people - especially the once person I wished hadn't - heard what the secretary had said.

I stared at her for a second or two before shaking myself and replying, "Tell her she should wait until my class is over. I will see her then." the secretary nodded and shuffled off, tripping over students bags and extended legs.

I glanced briefly at Susannah before continuing my lesson, her expression said it all.

--

Maria de Silva – my cousin - sat in one of the chairs in the office, toying with her tiny black purse. Her painted red lips pulled into a smile when she saw me.

"Jesse, honey, how are you?" she said, embracing me and pressing her lips against mine. I pulled away as soon as I could, pasting a fake smile on my own face.

"Hello, Maria. What a pleasure. Why did you come to the school and not went straight to my apartment?" I lied. The question I wanted to ask was how she found out about the school. I was sure I hadn't written about it in any of my emails.

"Oh, I passed there but it looked so… _drab_. How can you live in those horrid apartments?! I was thinking, maybe you could come to the hotel-"

"Wait a minute. What are you _doing _here?" I asked, sorting through the books I had to mark that evening after I cam back from my bartending job.

"I came to see you of course! We're getting married this summer, remember? And I need your help to choose the place! I was thinking Greece or Rome…" Maria sighed happily and stroked my arm with one red tipped fingernail, "It's going to be _fabulous._"

"Here's the thing, Maria, I can't-"

"Sir?" I turned round and saw Susannah standing behind me, her eyes guarded. Her body, her eyes, her movement pulled my heartstrings and I tried to look at her as a teacher would when he sees a student. A beautiful one, too, but still a student.

"Yes Susannah?"

"I'm abandoning those tutorial classes you were giving me before. I don't think I need them anymore." she said quietly, her hair swaying a bit in the wind.

"Who is this?" Maria asked, her voice high and posh, hateful even.

"My student, Susannah Simon." I said without looking at her. "Susannah, are you sure? You were doing great in those classes, I don't understand why-"

"Oh, I think you do," Susannah said briskly, "Anyway, I appreciate your help but I can work this out on my own."

"It's nearly exams; you should _at least _take some revision books with you." I said softly, completely ignoring my fiancée.

"No. Thank you. I- I think I'll see you in lesson tomorrow, sir." with that, she turned on her heel and walked away, her black short skirt brushing against her mouth-watering legs.

I wanted to call out to her, make her come back. Instead, I turned towards Louise and smile warmly.

"I don't have lesson next. Maybe I should show you the town?" I offered her my arm and Maria took it, giggling like a high school girl.

--

We went back to the apartment, Maria talking in her high voice about the wedding and me barely listening, my thoughts trained on Susannah's non committal voice earlier in the day. Had she really severed all ties with me?

"Oh, but this place is so…_shabby_. How can you _live _here?" Maria exclaimed, a touch of disgust in her voice. I wanted to laugh at the strange difference in taste between Susannah and her. Susannah thought this place was 'wow' and Maria said it was 'shabby'. Sometimes, it really was hard to satisfy everyone at the same time.

"I don't stay here much," I excused myself, "I work night shifts at the club in town."

Maria stared at me, her mouth open in horror, "A _club_? One of those clubs where…where people dance?" _nah, one of those clubs where people __**sleep**_**, **I wanted to say. Instead, I smiled tightly and nodded, depositing the exercise books I needed to mark on the kitchen table.

I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at Maria as she touched everything in reach, distaste clearly visible in her plastic features.

How could I have agreed to marry such a…_monster_? Then I remembered Susannah's wounded expression when I lied to the class about relationships with teachers, and I dropped my gaze to the floor, keeping back unusual feelings for her.

"Baby, I can't _wait _until we're married and get our own place. You must be feeling so _lonely_," she murmured, wrapping her arms around my neck. It felt like slime was crawling up my body.

"Don't call me that. And I _like _the place I live in." I retorted, knocking her arms away. She glared at me and pouted, turning away, towards the set of exercise books on the table.

"Susannah Simon," She read, "Poor girl, having _such _a name!"

"Actually, I find it fascinating." It was old fashioned, but beautiful. I was shocked at how much venom I had put in those words. I never could stand people laughing about my students. Maria only looked at me with disgust before flipping back her multi time dyed hair. I turned away.

Suddenly, her arms were around me, pressing soft but demanding kisses along the nape of my neck. Like a good fiancé should, I kissed her back, trying to drive all thoughts of Susannah out of my head.

It was impossible thought. It was _her _lips I was kissing, _her _hands digging into my back, _her _hot breath on my neck. All I could think about was Susannah. _My _Susannah.

Roughly and unexpectedly, I pushed Maria away, picking up my car keys and walking out of the apartment.

I wished so hard that it was _Susannah _I would be coming back to tonight, and not my nightmare come to life.

--

**So, what do you think? Someone asked me for a chapter where it was Jesse's point of view, so here it is. I do realise I could have done so much better, but I wrote this on the spur of the moment, and frankly, I thought it looked OK like it is. I hope you guys enjoyed it.**

**Reviews anyone…?**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

_Engaged. Engaged. Engaged._

The word kept popping up everywhere I went. In school, there _had _to be an engagement of some sort; In town, it looked like all the jewellery shops had been taken over by the Engagement companies; posters of people getting married were all over the mall with stupid signs saying _Buy your dresses here! You will look like a princess!_

But it wasn't that that got on my nerves. Oh no. It was the fact that Jesse had his fiancée hanging off his arm all the time. She would be there when it was break, she would be there when it was tutoring period, she would be _everywhere. All the time._

It was my own personal nightmare. And it was starting to affect my reputation.

So, to say my anger had reached boiling point was an understatement. I was like a bull seeing red for the first time, which made it all more painful. My anger resulted me in getting suspended for three days - and getting myself on College Report along with a four month trial. If I broke that four month trial, I was out of that school for good. Finn had laughed when I started planning on how to kick Debbie's butt. Debbie was one of the girls who thoughts - and acted - like they had it all and expected everyone to fall to their feet, and recently, she was pissing me off.

"Suze, do you even think about the consequences?" Finn laughed, flicking dried grapes at me. I parried the blows with my History ring binder.

"Now, why would I do that? I'm a do-then-think kind of girl. That's why I'm in the position I am now."

"The one of getting excluded?" Finn asked, peering at my face.

"No, stupid. Position of power."

"Not stupid. Gay. And you sound like Julius Caesar before a battle." He corrected sourly, opening his math text book.

Raising an eyebrow, I jokingly asked, "Who is that?"

"The emperor of Rome? The man who built all those monuments? Seriously, Suze. Sometimes I think you're as dumb as our dear old Lucy here present."

I snorted. Lucy squeaked, indignant. Oh well. They always said the truth hurt, right?

"Oh, thanks." I said sarcastically, totally ignoring my diet and digging into the Chips&Cheese that was on offer today.

Mmm, melted cheese, how have I missed you…

Melissa, who had been sucking face with some bad boy in the next school who came to see her every lunch, turned to me and wrinkled her nose. "Do you have _any _idea how many carbs and fats are in those chips, Suze?"

I dropped a chip of mine into her soda and smirked. "You better shut it, Mel. You haven't lost _any _of your puppy fat yet."

Finn laughed and growled, "Woof, woof." Melissa blushed and turned back to her boyfriend, engaging in another 'mind blowing' kiss- as she described it. I turned away, disgusted.

Just as Finn was about to say something, the bell rang and I was out of my seat faster than you could say my name…

…Only to remember I had double English.

--

Jesse's class seemed to drag on forever. He wasn't being boring, but the more I wished I was out of there, the more it seemed to lengthen.

And there was an unmistakable shine to his features that I could only describe as _afterglow_. I shuddered at the thought of him and that two pence skank together that way.

"…OK, people. I'm going to assign you a two thousand word essay to write for next week. It's not so long, so I presume you can _all _bring it in on time. I want you to write about the feelings you have when you're near a person. Make the essay accurate as you will turn it into a poem next week."

I glared at him. Was he trying to _mess around with me_? He already knew what I felt for him!

As the students grumbled under their breathes, Jesse called out the names of the people he would like to see at the end of the lesson. Surprise, surprise, my name was on that list, too.

"Susannah, may I see you at the end of the lesson, please?" I shrugged but pulled my bag onto my shoulder and walked to his desk, my body language stiff and cold.

"What?" I snapped, rudely. If he thought I was going to be _nice _to him, then _boy _did he have another one coming.

Jesse sighed and waved away the other students, sitting back in his chair and regarding my thoughtfully. His eyes bore into mine, and I found myself looking away, my coldness ebbing away. It was nice to be looked at like I was more than just his one time fling in his apartment.

I didn't think he would ever take me back, but a girl could dream, right?

"Susannah, what happened between us- I don't want you to…write about it. You're probably angry and hurt, but we can work this out. What happened was wrong and I apologize profusely for that and I don't want that to get in the middle of your work." He said all this in a please-understand-I-don't-mean-any-harm voice.

I looked up at him and leaned over the desk.

"Don't worry _Jesse_. It was a one time thing. And you should know by now that I don't have a full time boyfriends." I snarled, straightening up again.

Jesse grabbed my wrists, pulling me back down again, until my front was pressed against his desk.

He neared his face to mine, his breathe blowing at my fringe, ruffling it slightly.

"I'll never forget you, Susannah Simon. Whether you forget me or not. You're the only person I would ever care for." With that, he released me and he stared after me as I stumbled out of the room.

--

When I got outside of the classroom, kids were milling about and a few sniggered at me. I realised one of the girls was Debbie Mancuso and I walked towards her.

"What's your problem, bitch?" I hissed, staring at her.

"Nothing." She stammered, obviously backing away. But Jesse had pissed me off and seeing as I couldn't beat _him _up, I could always beat someone else up. And this someone just happened to be provoking me.

"Oh yeah? Then what you laughing at?" I said quietly, my deadliest voice.

"N-nothing." She repeated, eyes wide. Her friends seemed to melt away.

I walked closer to her until she was pressed up against the wall, clutching her books to her chest pathetically. I smiled nastily at her.

"You were laughing at something. Me? You were laughing at me, bitch. You should know that whoever laughs at me gets what they deserve."

"I wasn't-"

"Especially _liars_." I hissed and moved in. I knuckled up my fist and drove my first knuckle in the top of her sternum. She yelped and doubled over, clutching at her chest, her breathing coming in difficult gasps. I swept my legs under her knee and she fell, smacking her head onto the floor. She whimpered and then lay still.

I took a step back and felt two strong hands on my shoulders.

"Susannah? What-"

"Susannah Simon! In my office _now_!"

I left Jesse gaping after me and walked to the principals office, not giving a damn about anything.

--

**A/N: OK, this chapter is super duper short but I wanted to get this up since I have a surprise for you guys in the next chapter and I wanted to update quickly and post this note. Please review! **


	7. Chapter 7

**I've added a new character to this chapter, just to give it some spice! Please review!**

**Chapter 7**

Sam Belling was an old friend of mine. A friend with benefits- not someone you would mess with. We used to have a no- strings-attached relationship: he gave me the free smoke and alcohol and I gave him what every guy wants- my body.

After I delivered my stupid, childish essay (If you can even call it that) to Jesse de Silva, I decided to meet up with Sam. It had been a couple of months since I last saw him. He had been arrested for illegal marketing and I had vowed to stop smoking…

…but right now, a cigarette was the only thing that would get my mind off the fact that some guy rejected me. I sighed. His loss, I guess.

I wish I had someone to confide in. I couldn't talk to Finn. He wouldn't understand. Melissa and Lucy were off the list. Are you kidding? One word and it would be around school in twenty minutes flat. Or less.

The street I walked down was dark and quiet and if I hadn't known where I was going then I was sure to get lost.

I knocked three times on number 13's door and rubbed my arms against the cold. Why had I decided to where a vest _tonight _of all nights?

The sound of keys rattling and bolts sliding back made me focus on the opening door.

Sam, in all his shirtless glory, smirked down at me.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Susannah Simon." He laughed, the sound of it sending warm, pleasant shivers down my spine.

I spread my arms, "The one and only."

Sam took a step back and opened the door wider for me to walk quickly through. I kept my eyes trained on him as I moved, making sure he saw all of me and only me. The sound of a TV set filtered through the half closed living room door.

Sam led me through without saying a word, his eyes on my legs. I was wearing my blackest, shortest skirt which showed off my legs much better than any other piece of clothing I had.

Man, I was playing _dirty_.

"Another stolen set?" I asked, nodding toward the 42 inch plasma TV. Sam grinned.

"Actually, I _bought _it. Clean money, no less."

"Right." I arched an eyebrow and sat on the sofa, crossing my legs so he could get a better view of my smooth thigh.

A small quiet - but still audible - sigh escaped his gorgeous lips.

He sat down next to me and put a protective arm around my shoulders.

"So, baby, why'd you come?" he murmured, nipping my shoulder, sliding the strap of my vest down. I should have wore a bra. I really should have.

"The usual. Martini, Vodka, Gin and the cigarettes." I breathed. It was hard to talk straight around him. Actually, make that _impossible to talk straight around him_.

Without getting off the sofa, Sam pulled a wooden crate from under the sofa and tapped it smugly. "All your stuff, baby, safe and sound."

He tipped me so I was lying underneath him, my skirt riding up so it was around my waist. "Sam…Sam, wait."

"Too long, baby. You haven't come in _months_." _Yeah, but you've had other girls, too_, I added silently.

I kissed him slowly, almost lazily. Maybe he really _could _make me forget about Jesse.

And as the night wore on, I was sure of it…

--

When I awoke the next morning, I could hear the gentle, heavy breathing of Sam next to me. I remembered dimly what had happened. We'd kissed, drunk the alcohol in the crate and smoke some weird stuff that Sam had produced from his back pocket.

I sniffed at my hair. Weed. I'd smoked weed.

Damn.

I clutched the white sheets around me as I leant over the bed to try and see where my clothes had gotten to.

As a thought occurred me, I slapped a hand over my mouth. Had we used anything? I couldn't remember. I was sure we hadn't. but everything was so hazy and weird, that I couldn't be 100 per cent sure.

If we hadn't, I was in deep trouble.

Slowly, I got up, trying not to wake Sam up. He was grouchy in the mornings.

"Baby, where're you going?" Sam's voice was muffled against the cushions. I stared at his back. Hadn't he been asleep?

"I have to get to school." I squeaked. _So _unlike me. I don't squeak.

"School?" he rolled over and pinned me under his body. His pupils were little pinpricks, as I was sure were mine.

How could I have been so _stupid_?!

"Yeah."

Sam laughed and flicked the tip of his tongue over my bare, exposed collarbone.

"That's a first, you wanting to go to school." he whispered, lips brushing over my throat.

"I'm on report. If I miss one day out, they're going to set the School Government on me." At least that was true. After knocking that bitch down, I had gotten a warning.

Sam didn't answer but his low breathing did. He was asleep, thank God. That stuff we smoked must have been strong. I never felt so icky in all my life.

I slid out from under his body and crouched on the floor, slipping into my underwear and clothes quickly and quietly.

I walked out of the front door, careful not to slam it. The school wasn't too far away from Sam's apartment and I got there in ten minutes. The first bell had already rung and people were heading to there first lesson.

English. Shoot.

--

Jesse wanted to know why I was late. I didn't tell him the truth. What would I say? Sorry mate, I was smoking dope? I don't _think _so.

"Whatever. See me after the lesson please."

I glared at him, biting down on my tongue so I didn't say anything stupid. Jesse continued on with the lesson as if I didn't exist - which was usual - and when the bell rang, he asked me to stay behind.

Couldn't he get it? I didn't want to have _anything _to do with him anymore. Rejection doesn't go down lightly in my book.

"What do you want?" I snapped when I was sure everyone had left the classroom. OK, other than realising we hadn't used any sort of protection the other night, things weren't going so good. The last thing I wanted was for Jesse (Someone whom I'd thought I had felt something) to say something that would just make it worse.

"Susannah, I wanted to talk to you. Seriously. None of that please-don't-be-mad-at-me crap. What have you done to yourself? Your eyes-"

"Shut up. You don't want to know." I didn't look at him but it was no good. I could still feel those dark eyes of his scorching my skin.

Was it me or was this room hot?

"Susannah, it is my responsibility to try and help you if you are doing any kind of illegal substance." _yeah, I'm doing illegal substances alright. I'm doing illegal substances, underage drinking and causal sex. Need I say more?_

"And what _can _you do about it?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at him. Jesse walked closer to me and grasped my shoulders in a death grip. I winced suddenly remembering a bruise that was sure to come after last nights casualties.

"I can help you. Confide in me. Tell me what's happening to you." Jesse whispered.

I shook my head but couldn't help looking down at the floor. "You will never be able to help me, Jesse. I'm way beyond help."

Jesse's arms wrapped themselves around me, pulling me closer to him. The familiarity of his touch, the ache of it as I had dreamed for weeks on end, had tears form at the back of my eyelids. I buried my head in his shoulder.

"Why are you _doing _this to me, Jesse? You know I am-"

"Ssh, it's OK, _querida_, I'm here. I always will be." He whispered, stroking my hair. Querida. He never called me that before. What did it mean?

And of course, I thought everything was going to be fine…

That is, until the door opened and his girlfriend (or rather _fiancée_) stalked in, and saw us…

--

**R&R please people! I'm ill and reviews might **_**just **_**be the thing to cheer my up… ;)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

My dreams were all about a little child crying, calling for someone to help him. And every time I tried to help, he would disappear, the cry becoming strangled.

I never managed to find him.

Other dreams of mine were the haunted kind. The kind where I would see my father dying - or dead already - over and over again, like a repeating disk.

And then I would wake up, sweaty and scared, looking for someone to help _me_, but I would always be on my own.

In school, Jesse would treat me like any other student, just as he did before Maria de Silva had come in and ruined it all. Now, he wouldn't even try to talk to me.

I was now also sure that I was pregnant. I'd heard that when you were pregnant, but you were shying away from it, dreams would haunt you and make you accept that you had someone growing inside you. The box of the pregnancy test was burning through the thin material of my over the shoulder bag. I was going to do the test straight after school and if it was positive, I was going to phone up the clinic.

But I was pretty positive I was pregnant.

I would feel it…Right?

What I didn't feel was the dizziness that washed over me during English (Why oh _why_?) that had me leaning heavily on a table and clutching my head.

Jessewas near me in a second, a hand on my back. "Someone call the nurse." He ordered. I shook my head which only made the room spin faster.

"No. I don't need a nurse. I just had a low sugar moment." Someone giggled and I turned around to glare at them. What was so funny?

Jesse scrutinised my face for a second before letting go of me.

"OK. Class, please settle down!" He ordered and immediately every one went quiet. For the rest of the lesson, I sat at my place and did my work. Was this a sign of pregnancy?

--

When I was little, I always dreamed about being a rock star, you know? Like Pink or Paramore. Those girls had it all and could flaunt it all with no problem.

I remember I used to sing all the time and sometimes my father - a far, blurry image in my head now - would strum his guitar along with any nonsense that spilt from my mouth.

As I listened to Jesse talk, I day dreamed about how it would be fun to go on one of those shows. You know the ones: "Be A Rock star For A Day.". It wouldn't be too bad. I think I deserve a day for my own, right? Not running away from my mother or brother or my stupid mind.

I came back to reality when I saw the sky outside the window darkening and fat drops of water splattered down from the sky. There were groans and "Can I have a lift" from people around the classroom. I didn't mind, for once, walking in the rain. Maybe it would make me feel like everything that was happening wasn't _so _bad.

Jesse was chewing his lip thoughtfully and was glancing out of the window, at the quickly darkening to pitch black sky. He caught me watching him and smiled. I looked away, feeling my breath come in short shuddery gasps. My cheeks blazed red.

As the class settled down, Jesse handed it out sheets with 'Coursework' clearly printed on the top. As he reached my desk, Jesse said quietly, "Wait for me outside the parking lot after this. Stay in the dry- I don't want you getting wet. Please." Without waiting for an answer, he moved on to the next table, chatting quietly with students and smiling politely to girls who tried to flirt with him.

Irritation burst. Didn't he realise he would only encourage them with that smile? Or did he _like _encouraging them? Maybe because he was getting married with a total and utter bitch…

Yesterday, after Maria de Silva burst in on us, I had to stand in the English room for what seemed like hours, listening to that bitch accuse me of stealing her fiancée and 'Trying it on with him'. I mean, _excuse me_? Like I would _do _such a thing. With HIM of all people, too.

Jesse had stood by and _let _her say that stuff to me, about me, and when I turned to him for support all he did was shrug and turn away. I felt tears stinging at the corner of my eyes at the memory. His words - _Ssh, baby, it's going to be alright. I'm here and I always will be _- seemed like lies. No wait, they _were _lies. Just stupid words without a meaning or truth.

I ran a hand through my hair and ignored the excited chatter of my classmates. The sky outside was so dark, you would have thought it was ten o'clock at night, not 2.55 in the afternoon. I sighed and folded the sheet of paper, sliding it in between the pages of my exercise book.

The bell rang and everyone was out of their seats. I stumbled tiredly out of the room, pulling my Lonsdale hooded shirt on, the hood covering my hair and obscuring the streetlights from my eyes. My leather bag banged against my hip as I hurried out of the school. I wanted to be as fast as I could so I would evade Jesse.

Yeah, right.

That morning, before I went to school, I'd gone to the pharmacist and bought a Pregnancy Kit, telling the young cashier, quite rudely, that if she told anyone then: "You'll wish you were never born, bitch."

The cashier had nodded quickly and handed my change and bag back quickly, smiling sweetly to the next customer, an old man asking for vitamins.

Now that I remembered, it seemed that the box burnt through the fabric of my bag, the corners digging into my skin.

If the test was positive…

A sleek black car pulled up next to me and Jesse snapped, "Jesus, you're soaked! Why didn't you wait for me like I _told _you, Goddamnit!" I stopped and glared at him.

"Fucking hell, you're one son of a bitch aren't you?!" I crossed my arms and waited as he stopped the car and got out.

"Don't you _dare_ swear at me! I'm trying to HELP you!"

"I don't need any help! Especially not from _you_!" I hissed, starting to walk again. My trainers seemed to weigh a thousand pounds, weighing my whole legs down. Or was that just me?

Jesse grabbed my arm and spun me round to face him. Strangely, the street was deserted so no one was around to witness this. Where were the old men with the sticks when you needed 'em?

"Look, if this is about yesterday then I'm sorry, OK? I didn't-"

"Wait, you didn't mean to let her say all those things and you didn't mean it to happen but guess what? It _did_. And you weren't there to help me. Or rather, you _were_ but you just chose _not _to help. Do you know what that makes you? A liar. That makes you a _liar _Jesse de Silva." I hissed, struggling in his grip. His eyes were blank and his face was a smooth mask that didn't crumble when he replied.

"If I'm a liar, Susannah, what are _you_? A saint? An _Angel_?" He hissed back, rain flattening his dark fringe to his forehead, the drops running down his face like tears.

Me? I really was crying and I was hoping that the rain would mask it. But it didn't. Jesse saw my mascara running and my eyes turning red.

"Let go of me. I don't need your help. I don't need anyone's help!"

Jesse didn't let go. Instead, he put his arm around my waist and drew me close. Quietly, he said, "Why are you scared of someone helping you, _Querida_? Why won't you let anyone see your emotions?" Here's a question: Why did he keep calling me stuff in Spanish?

"Because it doesn't matter. _I _don't matter. My life might be ruined but does anyone care? No. I'm alone, OK Jesse? No one here loves me and I understand that. It's impossible to love me, anyway."

"That's only because you won't _let _anyone love you." He protested.

I pulled away from him with a shaky laugh. "Sure, sure. I tried letting someone love me _once_, and look at me." I gestured at myself, "What am I, Jesse? A slut?" I laughed again, "Come on. You've seen me at work, right? And now, thanks to thinking that someone _loved _me, I've ruined my life-- forever." Jesse reached down and wiped the rivers of mascara off my face. He steal revealed nothing.

"You know I'll help you out." He said, looking at my hands, which were placed on his forearms, ready to push him away.

"How can you _say _that?! You're ENGAGED!" Stupidly, my voice cracked.

"I'll still be here for you, though."

I crossed my arms and rolled my eyes, trying to get my old self back together again. "If you think you're always gonna be here for me, then why don't you break off the engagement?"

"You won't understand." He muttered, straightening up. The rain was coming down harder now, soaking me, drenching me.

"Try me. Maybe I will." I challenged.

"_Querida_, I said-"

"How can you say that you'll always be with me if you can't even _trust _me?!" I shouted. Jesse looked taken aback before he grabbed me and held me tightly to him. This yo-yo of mixed emotions was literally breaking me down.

"I _do_. Jesus, I _do_. I just can't explain."

"Then _try_! Why is it that I can _always _manage to tell you what's wrong but you never tell me what's wrong with _you_? Please, Jesse. Please." I sobbed.

Jesse was silent before he sighed and said, "Fine, I'll tell you. But you have to come back to my place so I can get you into something dry."

I nodded and let him pull me to his car.

--

I was curled on his sofa, a steaming mug of hot chocolate in my hands and an oversized hoody that belonged to Jesse covering my body.

As he towelled and brushed my hair, Jesse told me:

"I wish it was as simple as you think, breaking the engagement off. But it isn't. Maria was promised to me when we were teenagers. At first, I had to get married when I finished High School but then I got my father to postpone it until my studies were finished - which took about three years. Everything was fine for a while until I graduated from University and my father told me that I had to get married that summer. Thankfully, I found the job here in your school and it was easy for me to lie to my father and tell him that as part of my summer course that I hadn't been able to attend, I had to do this last year then I would be free."

His hands gently massaged my scalp as he spoke, his voice so warm it was like honey. As I listened, I watched the fire crackle in the fireplace, and it was as if I was watching a movie.

"All I needed to do," He continued, "Was to try and become a different person. Try and… I don't know. Detach myself from my. At first, it was a phone call a week, then it was a call every few weeks and after that, I didn't call or email at all. I thought that, finally, I would be able to quit my family." He chuckled at this, his hands stilling before he started up again, "But there's no such thing as quitting your family. Especially _my _family. That was - _is _impossible. A few weeks ago, my father contacted me and told me that if I was trying to run away from my family, from my duty, he would cut me off. Whatever money I earned would go straight to his bank and I wouldn't have a penny. If this happened, it meant I had to return to my home as quickly as possible. They thought - and still think - that I wouldn't be strong enough to survive on my own.

"A few days after I received that call, I found myself with you. Gorgeous, intelligent you. You completely blew me away, _Querida_. You were so… I don't know. _Great_. Not real, that it scared me… then I remembered that I was a teacher and you were a student and that whatever relationship we had would not be good. For you especially. Your life would be ruined forever, I mean it. Mine? I didn't care. Whatever happened to my career was already ruined anyway. So I had to leave you. And it broke your heart. I'm sorry about that.

"A few days after that, Maria de Silva - my fiancée - arrived and everything seemed to burst into flames. Then you decided to quit on me and I felt hurt. Sure, _I _wanted to quit on _myself_, but that didn't mean anything, right? At first I thought you were angry at me for quitting on _you _in the first place, but then I realised that the real problem was Maria."

He stopped drying my hair and took the hairbrush off my lap, gently pulling it through my long, blonde hair.

"Whatever I did, wherever I went, I knew that Maria would be a problem. She was promised to me, after all. I'm stuck, Susannah. I'm stuck and broke. Because either I break it off with Maria and end up broke for life, or I run away with you and risk prison for statutory rape." Did this mean he _wanted _to run away with me?

He let my hair fall gently over my shoulder and sighed, coming to sit next to me. His eyes looked haunted, and there were dark circles under his eyes that I hadn't noticed until then.

"I-"

"Don't. I'm all right. I'll sort something out and then maybe you'll have your happy ending after all." He murmured, touching my face with the tip of his fingers.

I laughed nervously. "Jesse, I will never have a happy ever after," I pointed at my belly, "I'm pregnant. There's no escaping that."

Jesse smiled. "I'm not leaving you, _Querida_. If you want, I'll stick by you, through your pregnancy and even grow that child up."

I shook my head, "Jesse, you're getting _married _for Christ's Sake. There's no escaping that, either."

Jesse didn't answer. He leaned in and kissed my cheek.

"Relax, beautiful. I'll sort everything out, don't worry."

"But-"

"Ssh. Right now, I'm not up for arguing." He silenced me. I put my empty mug of coffee down on the wooden floor and reached over to him, wrapping my arms around him.

I felt good. Me being the one comforting _him _for once and not vice versa. He buried his head in my hair and kissed my neck, his lips so light it was like having a feather brushing my skin. I giggled involuntarily. He pulled away and looked at me.

"Why are you laughing?" I blushed.

"Nothing for _you _to worry about," I murmured, running my hands through his hair and pressing my lips to his.

He responded willingly, his fingers tracing the edge of my panties which were covered by his oversized hooded sweatshirt. He smiled against my lips as I ran my hands down his back, and over his leather belt.

He ducked his head, bringing his lips to my throat, the tip of his tongue tracing my Adam's apple.

"Jesse? Are you home?" A voice called - it wasn't mine.

Jesse jumped up from the sofa and ran a hand through his hair. "Fuck," He said. I wanted to laugh. It was the first time I heard him swear. Jesse looked at me, panicked.

"Jesse?" The voice - Maria's I guess - called, this time closer.

"Stay there. I'm coming!" He called back. He grabbed my arm and propelled me to a closed door, pushing me through it.

"Whatever you do, be quiet, OK?" He whispered. I nodded and he closed the door. I heard his footsteps retreat and, defeated, I slumped on the bed. I looked around. This was obviously Jesse's room. There was a large king sized bed pushed under the bay window and four shelves full of books covered one side of the wall. There was another door, slightly open, and through that crack I could see what was the bathroom. I sighed and lay back down on the bed.

Jesse would not be back for a while. From what little I knew, Maria de Silva liked taking her time.

I could hear their voices from where I lay, and I wanted to laugh. How would Jesse explain all the wet books lying in front of the fireplace and my wet trousers and shirt?

"… Um, Jesse?" I heard.

"What?" He snapped.

"Whose books and clothes are those?" Shoot.

There was a pause and then and audible sigh. I could almost see Jesse shrug. "A friend's. She came over earlier but was soaked so I gave her some stuff to wear and told her I'll dry her stuff."

"You had another woman here?" Maria asked, her voice an octave higher.

"Yes. A Colleague." A _colleague_? Nice… Not.

"Are you cheating on me?"

"No."

I stood up and opened the door a crack. Maria, in all her expensive attire, was perched on the sofa. Jesse stood in front of her, looking bored.

He spotted me and shrugged slightly, but Maria caught the movement.

"Why are you shrugging?"

"I'm not… I've hurt my shoulder. That's all."

"ooh, poor baby! Here, I'll give you a nice rub. Let's go to your room." Maria said, standing up.

"No! I mean, no, I'm fine. I think you should go. I…. I'm tired and I still need to do some marking." Jesse tried to excuse himself.

"Well, you can do that while I'm here, right?" Maria said, arching one perfect eyebrow.

"I guess…" Jesse sighed and turned away.

Defeated once more, I closed the door.

I crawled onto the bed and slipped under the cool, white covers. Might as well make my stay worth while.

--

I was fast asleep, but I could still feel Jesse taking his shirt off and sliding under the covers. I shivered a bit in the cold. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my cheek, and I rested my head against his chest.

Was she gone? I didn't know but as I slipped back into sleep, I returned to the nightmare that had been haunting me all evening…

_It's a little boy, sitting in the middle of a small, square room. The walls are painted red… Blood red. The little boy, naked, is laughing at something._

_I step into the room, trying to reach the child._

_I then see what it was the little boy was laughing at…_

_From the ceiling, a man is hanging, his satisfied smile like a gash on his face… The little boy turned and as he laughed, a single tear rolled down his cheek. The tear was red, blood._

_As I turned to go, to run, the little boy screamed, his hands reaching out to me:_

"_You killed him! You killed him! You killed my daddy!"…_

--

**Hey all!**

**I think this is the longest chapter I have written for this story yet, yay me! Haha!**

**Sorry about the late-ish update, but I've been doing coursework (Horrible things) and didn't have much time for this…**

**Reviews, please…?**

**Devilslawyer123**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

_**Parents Evening**_

Dear Parents/Carers,

We have programmed a parents evening for the following evening to be held in the school public hall. This will be a great opportunity to meet your child's teachers and see how well he/she are getting on in school. I feel I have to remember that exams are and _will _approach soon and this could be the perfect - of not wise - opportunity to collect revision forms from the various teachers.

To meet the teachers, please complete the form below with the subject, teacher's name (If possible) and a possible time.

Many thanks,

Father Dominic

**School Principle.**

**--**

The letters had been handed out in tutor that morning, meaning that everyone knew that there was going to be a teacher/parent evening. It wasn't good. Not for me, anyway. My mother - my poor drunk, delusive mother - wouldn't attend. She never did.

At the end of each lesson, the teachers would ask the question "Who would like a time for parent's evening?" and the usual people who didn't go up would be ordered to go up and have their names down on the appointments list - mainly me and other people who weren't doing so well.

On my list I now had four teachers (My maths, my History, Science and Foreign Languages) and I wasn't expecting anymore.

So imagine my shock when Jesse- _my _Jesse- asked me for an appointment at 7.30 for Parent's Evening.

I was shocked. So shocked in fact that my mouth hung open.

"What? No. No way. You are _not _going to talk to my mother." I said, snatching the paper off him. If I said that Jesse was annoyed, that was going to be an understatement. To say the least, he was so pissed off he was about to spit fire.

"_Yes_, I am. You are making amazing progress in this class and I want your mother to know that. It isn't fair that you keep her in the dark." God, I hated him.

"You _bastard_. You KNOW what my mother is… is _like_ and you still want to embarrass me! You still want to humiliate me in front of everyone else. She's probably going to be so stoned and drunk that I'll have to fucking _drag _her home!" I said. Well, it wasn't like anyone was around, so I could express my feelings. Isn't that what he urged me to? Express myself? It seemed like it was bloody well backfiring on him.

He glared at me before dragging me down to sit on his lap. "Why did you run off this morning before I'd even woken up?" I blushed. So _that _was why he was so asshole-ish with me?

"Um… I…" I didn't know why. Maybe because I was so scared that his fiancée was going to come back and see me with him? Maybe because I wanted to go home before I felt any more of that morning sickness? Maybe because I didn't want him to see my haunted eyes? Maybe because I was so scared that he'd changed his mind I wanted to go home and drown in my self pity?

He must've read my expression because he ran a hand through my hair and smiled slightly. "You still don't trust or believe me, right?"

I wanted to point out that I didn't believe or trust anyone anyway.

I didn't answer.

"Susannah, after everything I told you? How can you not trust me? How can you not believe me?" His voice was tinged with hurt and a little bit of anger.

I didn't look at him as I slid off his lap and answered. "I've had many people say that over the years, and it doesn't mean that you're going to change my perspective on things."

He stood up and put a hand on my arm. "_What _perspectives? What are you talking about?"

"Nothing. Forget it."

Guiltily, I let him give me an appointment for Parent's Evening. If he didn't believe me when I told him about my mother, then I'll let him see for himself.

And then maybe I will hate myself or love him forever.

**Flashback**

_It was normal for me to come home and find my parent's arguing. There isn't much a five year old girl can do to stop them, anyway._

_Jakewas sitting on the stairs, listening to mum and dad fight. I did the same. At least we weren't kept in the dark._

_My father was hardly ever home, usually on business trips, so I didn't really know why he was home._

_Until I heard what he said._

"_She isn't my responsibility! You wanted her, you look after her!" He shouted._

_My mother was more quiet. "Ssh, she's upstairs, you know she'll hear."_

"_I don't give two pans of shit if she hears or not! It's not fair that you keep lying to her!" he replied. It was obvious they were talking about me._

_They only referred me to "her"._

_I listened on…._

**End of Flashback**

Jessescrutinised my face. "Susannah? Are you alright?"

I glanced back at him and smiled. Maybe I'd been staring at the slip in my hand for too long?

"I'm fine. I'll… I'll see you tonight."Jesse nodded and I walked out of his classroom, though I knew he was staring after me.

--

When I got home, I was surprised to see my mother sitting at the table with a box in her hand.

That box looked so … familiar…

"Susannah, sit down." She ordered. For once, she was sober.

I did as I was told, feeling my heart beat faster with every second that ticked by.

I balled up my hands into fists under the table as I realised what was going to happen.

She looked up at me and said calmly: "I've booked you into a clinic for tomorrow morning."

I stood up so fast I knocked my chair back.

"No. Please mum, no." I said. What was she going to do? Force it out of me?

"No excuses. You're going. I've had enough of babies and screaming, wriggling _things _in my house." Tears stung my eyes.

"You can't do that. Please, mum."

"That's my final answer." Her final answer? Her final _answer_?!

Anger replaced my fear and sadness. "It's not _my _fault dad got someone else! It's not _my _fault that he died! _I _didn't ask to live!" I shouted.

My mother's face went as white as a sheet. Hit a nerve, did I? Well, there's plenty from where _that _came from!

Before she could say anything, I ran out of the kitchen and into my room, slamming and locking the door shut behind me.

It had been a while - years - since I had had any kind of flashback regarding my family. But now I would get them frequently, sometimes as dreams or sometimes they just appeared - _bam!_ - for no reason.

And they always left me shaking and just feeling _weird_.

Now, my mother wanted me to get rid of the only person who could ever love me. No matter whatJesse said, when _he _gets married and moves on, I'll be a thing of the past and he knows it.

I lay down on my bed, crying. Crying. I never cry. Well, I never cried _before_.

I rooted under the bed for the book I had taken from the library. Wiping my eyes on my sleeve, I sat up and cracked the book open.

**3 WEEKS: "**_What's going on in your womb now? A lot. Your baby-in-the-making is just a tiny ball consisting of several hundred cells that are multiplying madly. Once the ball of cells (called a blastocyst) takes up residence in your uterus, the part of it that will develop into the placenta starts producing the pregnancy hormone hCG (human chronic gonadotropin), which tells your ovaries to stop releasing eggs and triggers increased production of oestrogen and progesterone (which keep your uterus from shedding its lining — and its tiny passenger — and stimulates placental growth)."_

There were no pictures but I kind of felt how big the baby would be. Not even as big as one of my fingers. He was so tiny.

According to the brochure I had as a bookmark, it said I could have an abortion up to three months, but that was cruel, wasn't it? After all, it was still a living thing. Just getting all the features a human should have.

Another brochure said that if I - the _mother _- had drunk of smoked during the time that the baby had been conceived, then it would be _wise _to stop until after the birth of the baby. By smoking and drinking while conceiving the baby, it already had a 5.08 chance of malformation.

I breathed in a breath and leafed through the book.

**2 MONTHS: "**_By the end of the third month of pregnancy, your baby is fully formed. Your baby has arms, hands, fingers, feet, and toes and can open and close its fists and mouth. Fingernails and toenails are beginning to develop and the external ears are formed. The beginnings of teeth are forming. Your baby's reproductive organs also develop, but the baby's gender is difficult to distinguish on ultrasound. The circulatory and urinary systems are working and the liver produces bile._

_At the end of the third month, your baby is about 3-4 inches long and weighs about 1 ounce_."

The baby would be fully formed. Then why was it possible to still have an abortion? Why would _anyone _kill a baby?

Automatically, my hand slid to my tummy. It had been nearly a month, so there was a slight swell to it. Lucy kept laughing and telling me I was gaining weight whilst Finn looked at me strangely. Did he guess? Was he _guessing? _Would he know?

Maybe he was the only person I could trust. Maybe I should talk to him.Jesse had asked me to go to a counsellor - preferably the school one - and talk to them but I knew that if they found out I was pregnant, the whole school would know in five minutes flat.

I continued reading. I could still have a miscarriage before the three months, but after that I was quite safe. To avoid a miscarriage I couldn't do sports, walk up too many steps, strain, get anxious, stress, sleep on my tummy and most of all I shouldn't _trip_. If I did, that could lead to a miscarriage. An ugly one, too.

I closed the book and sighed heavily. I glanced at the clock. Two hours before going to seeJesse de Silvaand his weapon to embarrassment.

I considered having a shower but then the book said hot water could lead to miscarriage, too, so I settled for changing my clothes.

"What, in the world, _doesn't _lead to a miscarriage?" I grumbled under my breath.

I walked down the stairs, hoping my mother was drunk already but I found her sitting in the kitchen - again- with coffee in one hand and her scarf in the other.

"Come on then. Time to go see what your teachers think of you." She smiled cruelly at me. I slapped her hand away when she tried to touch me and stalked off towards the car.

My mother drove like a maniac and were soon at school in no time. I rushed towards the hall and didn't look back to check.

I led her to my teachers. Most of them said that same things (That I could be an excellent student if only I applied myself a bit more) and then we were at Keith's table. He was writing down something on a sheet and smiled welcoming at us.

"Please take a seat," He said. I sat down and pushed my chair farther away from my mother who was looking atJesse as if Christmas day had arrived.

I looked away.

"So, anything to say about her?" My mother asked, pointing at me as if she never knew I existed.

"Yes. She is a very intelligent, hard working student. She finishes all her work on time and never interrupts my lesson with misbehaving. I only have a bit of a problem with not getting her homework on time, but hopefully we can sort that out soon. I hope you're very proud of your daughter, Ms. Simon. We talk about entering her in a psychologist and English literature advanced course, but of course we need your permission for that." if this was some bad sitcom, my mother would turn to me and, with shining eyes, would ask me why I never told her of my secret ambition. I would tell her that I thought she thought I would be ridiculous, we'd cry, we'd hug and have a happy ending.

But my life is far more different than a bad sitcom. All my mother did was laugh.

"Advance courses? Oh please! She would drop out soon enough. Or you'll kick her out. She's an alcy and a druggy, this one. She'll be so stoned one day you'll have to keep her up with sticks up her ass!" she laughed again whilst I looked at the floor, tears stinging my eyes and cheeks flaming red.

She hadn't finished though. "Or she might have the baby in your classroom, now wouldn't _that _be a nice surprise? My daughter an honour, advanced course student?!" She laughed again.

"Mother, stop, please." I said. I was so quiet that my mother didn't even hear. I could feel Jesse's eyes on me. The bastard. He _knew _what would happen.

"Ms. Simon-"

"Or maybe she would sleep with you all, wouldn't she. She's my own little prostitute, she is. She used to bring home so much stuff. Baccy, pills, money, pieces of cheap jewellery. But she doesn't now, the minx. She keeps it all for herself."

I stood up, knocking my chair back. No one noticed except for my mother and Jesse. From the corner of my eye I could seeMaria de Silvaat the refreshments table.

"Shut up, just shut up!" I hissed at her. Mother looked at me, eyes wide. Her face was so comical, I wanted to laugh. Instead, I chose to slap it.

Jessestood up so fast I didn't see him, and grabbed my arm.

"You're a bitch! I _hate _you! I wish _you _were the one who hanged herself and not dad!"Jesse grabbed me again before I could hit her. I pushed him away and ran out of the hall, ignoring Finn's and Jesse's calls after me.

--

I had no where to go so I just wondered, sometimes stopping somewhere to get a drink. I wanted to go home but knew I couldn't. I checked my change: 1 pound and 84 pence. Just enough to catch a bus home.

I sighed and carried on walking. A few dark kids were playing football in the street. The couldn't have been more than six years old or younger.

I sat on one of the run down brick walls and watched them. One kid ran towards me.

"You OK?" He was five or so years old with his curly black hair braided and his two front teeth missing. I smiled.

"I'm fine. Mind if I watch you play?" He nodded and ran off again.

I recognised one of the kids as JJ Blue. He used to live in my street before the social services came and took him away. He was a cool kid and loved to make me laugh. I hadn't seen him since the day he left and it was a bit of a shock to see him walking and coming to sit next to me.

"Alright, JJ?" I asked, smiling.

"You remember." He noted, with a smile of his own. He'd changed and now looked so much older. He was about ten maybe eleven.

"I do. How've you been?"

"Great. You?" I didn't answer.

He nodded. "I see." He drummed his fingers to a beat only he could hear.

"Are they good to you?" I asked, nodding to the house that must've been his.

"Yeah, they're great. Better than the old ones." 'The old one's' were his parents.

"I'm glad."

"Me, too. Hey, you should come here more often." He said, his eyes lighting up.

"Maybe I should," I answered, knowing I wouldn't.

"I have to go now. You gonna be OK?"

I nodded. He saluted me and ran back towards the house, the little kid that had talked to me first following him.

I watched as the other boy's left before walking down the street, alone again.

I could go to Jesse's house but decided against it.Maria de Silvawas probably there and how could I just go there when I'd practically run out on him twice?

I didn't need to make my mind up. He'd made it up for me apparently. He stopped his car near me and got out, pulling me to him.

"You stupid, stupid girl." He said, kissing my hair.

"Me? I'm not stupid. Just misunderstood." He didn't laugh. He pulled away and traced my lips with his finger while he looked at me.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I did, didn't I? You wouldn't listen." He shook his head.

"No. I meant that stuff about your dad." I looked away.

"You don't need to know that. It happened a long time ago and I've learnt to live with it."

"Why do I have the strange urge to call you Miss Independent?" I smiled at his words. Miss Independent? Anything but.

"Why do you have the urge?"

He held me tighter then. "You're so young, yet you seem so much older. What happened with your mother…" he trailed off and I felt him shake his head.

"Jesse? Could I…?"

"Of course you can. My house is your house, remember?"

I nodded and let him lead me to his car.

I would tell him at his house.

--

We were lying on his bed and he had one hand on my belly. He was shirtless and I could see his muscles in the moonlight. I could also see he was awake.

"She knows." I whispered.

His hand stilled the stroking. "What? Who knows?"

"My mother. She knows I'm pregnant and wants me to have an abortion." I said. He put an arm either side of my head and leaned down to kiss me.

"You aren't going to, are you?"

"She's going to beat me black and blue if I don't. I'll lose the baby anyway."

"_Querida_…"

"I'm not keeping it. I can't."

His face paled. I could see that much with the faint light. "But-"

"I _can't _Jesse. Don't you get it? If I have it, they're going to take it away from me and if I _don't _have it, then they'll _make _me lose it. I won't have an abortion, thought. It's a dead end." I said, stroking his face. He looked away from me.

"What will you do when it's born then?" He choked. He looked as if he was near tears. Why was he always so tied up about it? Why did he _care_?

"I'll leave it in the hospital. Someone will adopt it."

"Susannah, you can't do that." He said softly. He kissed me again.

"I can." I insisted.

"Sweetheart, I can help you. Don't leave him in a hospital, please," He breathed against my lips, "This morning, when you left, I was so scared you'd changed your mind, that maybe I wasn't good enough for you. I was so angry after everything I told you yesterday that I couldn't - _wouldn't _- think clearly. Don't abandon him. I know what it's like to be abandoned."

It wasn't the fact that he sounded so desperate to make me understand, but the fact that I _knew _what he was saying was right and I was wrong. I loved him so much, but how could I go on and listen to him when I knew that one day he won't be there? It wasn't his job to look after the kid. It was _mine _and possibly Sam's, too.

"I… OK, alright, I'll keep it." I said.Jesse sighed and flopped down beside me, kissing every inch of me.

And then we fell asleep, together on the bed, holding onto each other as if we were drowning.

--

**A/N: I know this isn't my best, sorry! At least it's a nice long one :D Please review! At LEAST five! :P**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

**Jesse's Point of View**

I watched Susannah sleep. She was so beautiful. The corner of her lips were curved in a small secretive smile, her face smooth and relaxed. One arm was crooked over her head and the other one was around my waist, her weak hold holding me to her.

Not that I wanted to let go.

I kissed her forehead and lay down, my heart beating hard. Maria suspected something - that much was obvious. Why else would she want to be with me at all times? It was only knowing what could happen to Susannah that stopped me going after her straight away. Parent's evening. Again, I should have listened to Susannah. She didn't spew rubbish. If she told me her mother was a monster and an embarrassment then it _had _to be true.

But I ruined it by embarrassing _her _in front of the school. I felt so guilty and I knew Susannah didn't forgive me completely. _I _didn't even forgive myself completely. Actually, at all. I didn't forgive myself at all. It hadn't been fair on her.

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. The thing I wanted to do the most was run away and forget about my arranged marriage. Maybe I could do it when Susannah would turn eighteen.

That would mean she would already have her baby. Would she leave her town and come with me? I would look after them both. Her child… Who had she said the father was? _Had _she told me who the father was? I didn't think so. She looked so scared though. Maybe he was one of those "tough kids" who get girls pregnant then threaten them. It's happened before.

I should ask her who the father is. It was only natural, right? I mean, the girl I was in love with was carrying someone else's child. Wouldn't I be curios?

I wondered how we should disguise our relationship. It was obvious I wanted to go deeper with her, but how could I when a) I was a teacher and b) I was getting married? Plus, there was c) Susanna was pregnant with someone else's child.

Susannah's breathing shuddered in her sleep and I looked at her. She was still asleep.

Seeking sleep, I rolled over and rested my head on her chest. She liked that and I liked that.

I slept like a log

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I pressed my lips into a thin line as I watched Paul and Susannah work on the sheet I had handed out. It looked like the two were picking on each other again but there was something about Paul that didn't convince me he was all about innocent play. He looked like he really meant to hurt Susannah's feelings. But Susannah looked like she didn't give a damn which made me smile.

I sat down at the desk and opened the book where the answers to the sheet were. Studying certain things annoyed me but I couldn't get out of it. It was part of the School Board's Curriculum. At least I could have a laugh about it with Susannah in the evening. Another smile slipped onto my face.

And quickly slipped off again when I saw Debbbie Mancuso, the girl Susannahhad "Beaten up" walk over to me.

She came behind the desk and smiled coyly at me. I looked at her, expecting a question. All I got was a flirtatious look and a giggle.

I know when someone's flirting with me and I didn't like it.

"Can I help you?" I asked in a bored tone.

Debbi giggled again. "Not really, no. I just needed an information." She leaned towards me. Automatically, I leaned back. The only person I wanted to flirt with was sitting at the back of the room, with her enemy and was… pregnant.

"I was wondering if you… I don't know… still worked at the club on Saturday's?" Club? Oh. That club.

"I do odd jobs. They don't need me every weekend. Why do you want to know?" I hoped my voice was deadpanned. And that she could take a hint.

She giggled again and twisted her hair around her fingers. "I was just wondering if…me and you…" Just then, the sound of a slamming chair sounded.

I looked up and saw Susannah laughing at Paul on the floor. Either she had kicked him down or he had slipped. Paul had a thing for rocking on the hind legs of his chairs.

People stood around Paul, laughing and trying to help him up. He only ended up lashing out at them.

Laughing, I went over to the group. "Alright, break it up! Back to your seats _now_! Either you finish the sheet in school or you get it as _extra homework_!" Groans escaped student's mouths as they grudgingly went back to their seats.

I offered a hand out at Paul and he took it, jumping to his feet.

"You OK?" I asked.

"I'm fine." He snapped back.

Susannah laughed again. He turned on her with fire in his eyes, "Watch who you laughing at you cow!" He exclaimed.

Susannah's laugh dried up. Se clenched her fist. "Yeah? Well there's plenty from where _that _came from!" So it _had _been her to knock him down.

I rolled my eyes. "If you two don't shut up right this minute, you're going to spend your lunchtime in the Principle's office, understood?" I snapped. Susannah rolled her eyes and glared at Paul.

"I don't want to work with _him_." She said, turning the full power of her eyes on me.

"And _I _don't want to work with _her_!" Paul answered.

"Stop squabbling like two babies, alright? Susannah, you're working with me and Paul, you're working with out study teacher, OK?" Susannah smugly collected her stuff and went over to my desk.

"But can't I work with my mates?" Paul whined.

"No. Either this or the Principle's office." Paul looked angrier than ever.

"_Fine_! I'm going already. Don't-"

"Don't back chat me!" I snapped. Paul shut up and shuffled off to the study teacher.

Silently seething, I went back to my desk and asked Susannah where they got to.

"_We _didn't get anywhere. _I _at least managed to finish the first question." She propped her chin in her hands and looked at me. I wanted to leaned over and… I shook my head. You're in school. Teacher, Student. Nothing else.

"Susannah, there are twenty eight questions! And the lesson ends in fifteen minutes!" I tried to sound as if I was angry with her for not doing as I asked but it came out as if I was already letting her off the hook.

Quietly so only she could hear, I said, "You better finish this tonight, Susannah. I don't want you to get left behind on your work because of me."

Susannahwidened her eyes. "_You_? You're boosting my work, Jesse." I smiled. She really was one of a kind.

"Don't _flirt _with me, Susannah. You're still my student and I will not give you high grades unless you deserve it." I arched one eyebrow at her. She smirked. I knew what she was thinking and the urge to run away with her was stronger than ever. Sugar. _Querida_.

I looked away from her. "Right. Question 2. How would you work the set to a modern Romeo and Juliet?" I read out loud. Susannah sighed and chewed on her pen in thought.

"I actually don't know. I mean, if a modern Romeo and Juliet was staged I would firstly take away all that old language and give the set a more… _homey _feeling." she said. I nodded and waited until she had written it all down.

"OK, now, the third question asks what the Shakespearean language sounds to you before and after watching the play/film."

Susannahfrowned at her lap. "Well, before watching the play/film Shakespearean sounds kind of Alien and impossible to understand. But after watching the play/film it all sounds more… _understandable _than before. You know what happens and it seems that you already know what's going to happens. I mean, everything sounds so _tragic _and the way they… Oh, fuck this. I can't even _explain _myself." she threw the pen down onto the desk and glared at me as if I was the one who had written the sheet full of questions.

I nodded at her. "Go on. You're doing great."

She looked at me as if I had just said she sprouted another head. "What? No I'm not. You can laugh at me. I'll _never _get a good grade in English! I can barely spell my own name!" She snapped.

I leaned towards her. "You're doing it again. Putting yourself down like that." I murmured.

Susannah shrugged. "Whatever. I'm a lousy student. Just imagine what kind of bloody _mother _I can be. 'Mummy, can you help me with my homework?' 'No love, I can't even do my _own_.'" She mimicked a child's voice. She was so close to crying, my heart strings twanged.

The bell rang and everyone shuffled out of the classroom. Debbie lingered back as if she wanted to tell me something and if I hadn't said, "You can go now," I think she would have stayed there all lunch.

As soon as we were alone, I grabbed Susannah's hand. "Querida, you have to stop thinking like that. You _promised me _you would. You're going to be great and I'm going to help you."

Susannah shrugged. "I don't really know, Jesse. I guess I can't picture a future where you are with me. Somehow, I feel you're going to leave me for good. Marry that stuck up Maria of yours and have lot's of stuck up, posh babies who'll all look like you and be called names like Ferdinand and Frank and they'll be riding ponies in the countryside and wear straw hats. You'll eat off china plates with silver knives and forks and crystal wine glasses. And all I can offer my child is a space in my bed, a few dingy toys from a charity shop and ready made baby food." Tears stood in her eyes. I read somewhere that pregnant woman were emotional but I really thought Susannah was beating herself up for something that hadn't been in her control. I squeezed her hand, slipped her onto my lap and held her to me as tears trickled down my own cheeks.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I sat in the staffroom with my mug of coffee and marking papers. It was hard to ignore the other colleagues chatter but one particular conversation caught my attention.

"… She was crying in the girl's toilets, completely out of it. No one knows what's wrong with her. She's been so down lately…"

"Yes, but it's not only the fact that she's not looked after at home. Have you heard about Parent's Evening? The poor girl was wishing she was dead, she was. That mother of hers, pah! Not a mother at all, I say. And her father! Hanged, I say! Killed 'imself right in front of that little one, he did. I say, if you don't want to be a parent, don't make 'em suffer!"

"True, true. No one knows about her previous _conditions _either."

"When she was arrested for drugs? Heard about that one, too! Poor girl!"

"Not only that. Her mother was bought down by the Social Services for prostituting her own child at the age of ten! She didn't even have a chance at puberty before she was a up and running prostitute in one of the most horrid streets of this damned city!".

I couldn't move. Susannah? My Susannah? A prostitute? I didn't believe it.

I stood up and grabbed my coat. I knew what I had to do.

Mr. Jones, the Art teacher, looked up in surprise. "Where're you going, Jesse? You have lesson next!"

"I'm not feeling too well. Get someone to cover, OK? I'm going home."

Without waiting for an answer, I left the building.

I went straight to Susannah's house.

-----------------------------------------------------------

**A/N: Ta-da! Sorry for the wait, guys! My second chapter in Jesse's point of view. What do you think? Only one way to find out! The blue/purple button!!! One click away! :D Can I have six reviews this time? I love you and you love me! Only fair :D:D:D:D**

**Love you all!**

**- Ali (Devilslawyer123)**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: So I finished with Jesse going to Suze's house and that IS going to happen so don't get confused, OK?**

**Enjoy…**

**Chapter 11**

**Susannah's Point of View**

I went home that day with a thumping headache and horrible cramps somewhere around my midsection. After English, I managed to squeeze half a bar of Nutrigrain before I was running for the nearest loo. Finn was the only one who actually had the guts to come in and see how I was (Even though he is gay, he is still a boy which caused havoc in the girls bathroom) and got me to somehow stumble to the nurse's office. The nurse made me sign papers and talk a lot and then made me lie down so she could arrange for someone to pick me up. All I wanted to do was crawl under my comfy duvet at home an lie there for the rest of my life.

My mother came to pick me up and I expected her to throw a fit there in the school like she usually did. Instead, she picked up my bag and left the school as quickly as she got there.

As soon as we got home, I went to my room and changed into a long grey old jumper and a pair of jean short shorts. I pulled the hair band out of my hair and crawled into bed with the remote in one hand and hot chocolate in the other.

To say the truth, I wasn't scared. I was _terrified_. Of having a baby at my age. Of having someone - a little me - inside of me and to look after it when it was born. I was barely able to look after _myself, _let alone a baby. They need so much bloody care, don't they? A certain type of baby food, powder milk, nappies, cream, the right type of clothes, socks, and bodies. The right kind of crib with the right toys, the right pushchair with the right kind of colours to interest the baby, blah blah blah…

I channel hopped until I was exhausted with it all. It was funny to see Paul fall to the floor when I swiftly kicked the chair legs back and even better when I sat next to Jesse and he helped with my work. But something seemed to collapse in me during the break. Whatever Jesse had said about helping me out seemed more of a lie with every passing minute.

I knew he was going to marry Maria. Why deny it? If everything he told me was true, he was either going to marry her and get all the money as well as a secure bank account or he wasn't going to marry her and lose everything.

It was obvious he _was _going to marry her. And he wouldn't be able to help me, would he? Not with _her _monitoring him all the time! I sighed and stopped channel hopping just in time to catch the beginning of the Kyle Show or something like that. Today's topic was Teenage Mothers and How They Cope.

Looks like fate is on my side today. Not.

The first girl who came on the show looked like she was anorexic and had never had a child (Or looked after one) in her life. She was dressed in expensive looking trousers and a top and had noisy bangles around her wrists.

One minute on the show and she was crying her eyes out. "You don't _understand_," She was saying, "My whole LIFE was ruined by this child! I can't do anything with him around! He's so messy and cries all the time! I CAN'T cope!" She wailed. The show presenter looked at her sympathetically. I wanted to puke. How _pathetic _could you possible GET?!

Just as I was getting really into the show, there was a knock at the door. It couldn't be mum seeing as she had her keys with her when she left for her afternoon job and it wasn't anyone from school, either. School wouldn't be out for another two hours.

Grumpily, I kicked the sheets back and climbed out of my bed, clutching my head as the whole room seemed to go upside down on me.

Whoever it was must be _dying_ or I would kill them.

I stumbled down the stairs and opened the front door in an angry, swift move.

Only to jump back when I saw who it was.

Sam. Sam Belling was standing on my doorstep with a look that could have frozen fire. His smirk wasn't in place and his lips looked like they had disappeared. That's how thin they had been pressed together.

"Suze." He stated, so simply it chilled me to the bone. Had he found out about me and Jesse? What would he do?

It hadn't occurred to me _then _that that wasn't why he was so angry.

"Sam. What are you doing here?" Sam never showed up at my house. _Never_.

"We need to talk." Was all he said before he shoulder barged me and marched into the apartment with all the authority of a soldier on a battlefield.

I quietly shut the door behind me and wandered how Sam knew I wasn't in school.

"So… What do we need to talk about?" I asked, shuffling into the living room. Sam stare wasn't very nice. It felt like ice daggers had been shot into my back. It wasn't the comfortably nice stare I usually got from Jesse.

I mentally winced. The thought of Jesse made my heart shred into pieces.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Sam whirled round to face me and I could see the naked pain in his eyes. What was he so uptight about? He _knew _our relationship was open!

I decided to play safe. "Tell you what?"

Sam rolled his eyes and pointed at me, his finger slowly going lower.

"Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?"

Oh. Was _that _what he was going on about?

I crossed my arms, suddenly self-conscious.

"I… I didn't have the chance. Or the _time_." I muttered, looking everywhere but at him. What was he here for? Give me a bollocking? Persuade me to have an abortion?

Sam stared at me as if I had gone crazy. "No _time_?! What you ON about? I've seen you in town! YOU'VE seen ME in town! You could have stopped me and told me, right?" He shouted. He looked so out of it I was scared. Involuntarily, I took a step back.

"Sam, you were always with your FRIENDS. You would have laughed or told me I was a right whore! Just to _embarrass _me!" I screeched back.

Sam gave a snort of laughter. "No doubt about _that_. You ARE a whore. Going with me to get yourself pregnant."

What the fuck was he _on_? Had he smoked some more if that weed before he came to see me?!

"You think I _wanted _to get pregnant and get my life ruined?!" I snapped. Sam smirked, shrugged and sat on the sofa.

"Your life was ruined _anyway_." He answered. I had a horrible itch to go there and smack him round the block a few times.

"Don't you DARE think or even _say _that I was out to get it, OK? _Answer me!_" I shouted.

Sam didn't even look at me. All he said was: "I don't want anything to do with the kid OR you ever again. Do you want to know who told me?"

I shrugged and didn't look at him. I wasn't planning on visiting him in the nearby future anyway. Why come here?

"Your friend- Melissa. I had to hear it from HER, didn't I? I had to get laughed at by her and that other blonde bitch of yours. Yesterday night." He added as if I was giving a shit.

"I would have preferred you told me, Suze." He said slowly, as if I was mentally retarded.

His tone of voice made something inside of me snap. "Look, you fucking son of a bitch. I'm _not _your little whore who will come after you for the money and the weekend seeing shit, OK? _OK? _Because I have absolutely no _fucking _intention of seeing you anywhere near the kid or me in the future, OK? It was alright for you when I gave you that blowjob a year ago, wasn't it? _Wasn't it_?! And now that things have turned back against you, you prefer to run away like a good shithole!" I shouted.

Sam's face paled. "Are you saying that whatever happened between us - blowjob or otherwise - was a bad idea? And you regret it?"

I snorted. "You bet." I turned my head away from him.

I heard Sam get up and start walking towards me. I didn't see his hand flying towards my face, though.

All I felt was my knees hitting the back of the sofa and me falling towards it. Oh, and my face stinging like hell on ice.

And then I felt him leaning towards me, his minty breath on my face, "You are a whore and a bitch, Suze, and you will never _ever _get out of such a thing, understood? And if I find out you're keeping that… that _thing_, then you'll regret the day you were born."

Before I could say anything, he was gone.

And five minutes later, there was another knock on the door.

I took in a breath and shrugged on a hoody, pulling the hood up over my face. My cheek was stinging like mad, and I knew that bruise would form soon.

I pulled the hood low over my face and opened the door.

"Susannah," Jesse breathed as soon as he saw me. He grabbed me by the shoulders and pressed me to him, holding me as tightly as he could without hurting me. "Are you alright?" He asked, pulling away a bit so he could see me properly, "What happened to your face?"

I shrugged away from him and didn't answer. What was I supposed to say? The baby's father came round and decided a good beating would do?

I took a step back and gestured for him to go inside. He did so without hesitating and as I closed the door behind me he grabbed me again and kissed me as he never had before.

His lips on mine, his hands on my waist holding me to him, his lips in my hair… It was all too much. I broke away with a sob. I never knew I was so _weak_.

"Jesse…I…"

Jesse cupped my face, looking into my eyes. I know it sounds corny but right at that moment, I think something passed between us. I think that right there, right then, he understood what had happened.

So I sat him down in the kitchen with a mug of coffee and explained everything, just to make sure.

When I finished, Jesse nodded and said, "Your mother isn't around, is she?"

I shook my head and shifted my weight on his lap. His lap and chest were the most comfortable and calming places I could be and I took to sitting on his lap whenever something was horribly wrong - always.

"I came here to talk to your mother. I heard some things in the Staffroom that weren't…I don't know. They were talking about you - that much was obvious - but they were saying things…" He trailed off, suddenly uneasy.

"What things?" My voice came out as a squeak. I knew what he was saying.

"Susannah, is it true that your mother prostituted you when you were little? When you were ten?" I didn't answer. I found that keeping silent was the best answer. It didn't hurt you or anyone else as much as words did.

Jesse stopped stroking my hair and pulled away slightly. "_Querida_, I need to know. If it _is _true, then your mother could suffer serious consequences, OK? We need to get you sorted in a good home. With a loving family."

I laughed without humour. "Oh, _sure _Jesse. THAT would be so easy, wouldn't it? Seeing as I'm nearly eighteen and it would be too late for adoption and my mother is a drugged up, fucked up alcoholic and my brother doesn't give a shit unless it was his dick that fell off. It's going to be so easy, isn't it, that I'm having a child at my age and any hope I had for the future was lost. So, _so, _SO easy, Jesse." I got up from his lap and walked to the sink, rinsing the few mugs that had been left there.

It was silent for a while and I heard Keith's phone vibrate in his pocket. It was going to be either his _fiancée _checking up on him or his father.

Jesse didn't answer the stupid phone and it stopped ringing. Ten seconds later, it started vibrating again.

Without turning round, I muttered, "You better answer that."

Sighing, Jesse stood up and took the phone out of his pocket.

"Hello? Yes, Maria. OK….No…_Look_, I've got other things to do than run around after you-…I don't _give _a damn, that's the problem…No, not MY problem. YOUR problem…Look….I…Whatever!" He said something else (Quite rude) and hung up, slamming his finger so hard on the 'off' button that I was surprised that the whole phone didn't crumble in his hand.

Silence. I wasn't enjoying this silence. This silence was so thick with tension and anger and unsaid words and, somehow, memories.

Horrible memories I wanted to bury deeply at the back of my mind. I shivered.

Jesse came up behind me and slid his arms around my waist, his face buried in my hair, his breathing uneven. I felt so cruel. He was having his own problems and I didn't need to pile mine on top of his as well.

"Kiss me," He whispered, his breath tickling the back of my neck. I turned round, wrapping my arms around his neck, my damp hands tangling in that gorgeous, soft hair of his. He whispered my name against my lips and sat me on top of the kitchen counter and I wrapped my legs around his waist, holding him against me. I pressed my lips to his, then went lower, kissing his neck, his throat, his chin, his jaw, his cheekbone, his forehead.

"Sorry…So, so sorry…" I whispered urgently before he crushed his lips against mine again, his hands tugging at my hoody so I shrugged it off and threw it on the floor. His hands slid under my jumper to stroke the skin on my back and he let out a little, soft, quiet whimper that made me smile.

I pulled away from him and pressed my forehead against his. If only I wasn't pregnant…

Jesse opened his eyes and smiled at me, his thumb brushing over my lips again and again. He didn't say a word, he only looked at me, his finger stroking my lips which were tingling from our kiss.

If only I wasn't pregnant…

I slid off the kitchen counter and hugged him tightly, wanting him not to let go.

"Yes, it was true. Everything you heard was true. What they say about me becoming a prostitute at the age of ten was true. We were going through a real rough patch at the time. My dad had committed suicide and my brother had run away. My mother lost her job and the only way we could get food on our plates was if I went out on the streets and made myself available. I did it for two years. When the Social Services found out, I quit. My mother found another job and we carried on living another way." I said quietly, rubbing my face against his shoulder.

Jesse didn't say anything. He cupped the back of my head and pulled me into another kiss, this one short and sweet, meant to stay on your lips for a while after letting go.

"I love you," He whispered.

I smiled but before I could say anything the front door opened and I heard my mother come in, shopping bags in each hand. Jesse and I wrenched away and hoped there was no incriminating evidence about what had been going on between me and Mr. de Silva.

My mother stopped abruptly in the doorway, her dark hair falling out of the atrocious bun she had done that morning.

"Oh, Mr. de Silva, what a surprise." She said pleasantly. God, how gross! My mother trying it on with my English teacher!

"Hello, Ms. Simon. I came to talk to you…" I threw him a panicked glance. Was he _really _going to? "About your daughter. I was very worried about her today. I've been told about her…er…"

"If you trying to talk about her pregnancy with _me_, Mr. de Silva, I'm sorry to say that I don't want to have anything to do with it whatsoever. She came home today with a headache and pain in her midsection and that's all I want to know." My mother snapped.

Jesse looked like he was about to do something very bad but all he said was, "She's your daughter, Ms. Simon, and I hope you take care of her as a mother should her daughter." He said so calmly, as if he was expecting my mother's furious answer but didn't care.

"Young man, you are only, what, 25? You don't know how to grow a child and _my daughter _does what _I _say she does."

Jesse nodded and as my mother turned her back on us, he rolled his eyes at me. I smiled back.

I walked him to the door and let him kiss me softly and quickly, just before whispering, "I have my first scan tomorrow, Jesse. Come with me. Please."

Jesse smiled and his eyes shone with excitement. "Of course I will. What time?"

"Half ten"

He nodded. "Meet me in the basement. I don't have lessons tomorrow after period one."

"OK. And Jesse?" He turned around again, "I love you too."

Jesse smiled, chuckled, and walked down the steps to the sidewalk.

I watched him drive away, hoping that he would never drive away from me like that.

---------------------------------------------

**A/N: FIRST SCAN! Yay! I'm so excited about writing the next chapter people! I love baby scans, don't you?! I would like to thank everyone who reviewed my last chapter****! I love you all so much! And please keep reviewing! I LIVE for reviewing, no joke.**

**Six reviews this time, too?**

**The next update will be soon, but in the meantime please go and read Guilty As Charged. It's a new story and I think it needs a little bit of R&R! :D**

**Love, **

**- Ali (Devilslawyer123)**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

I had to lie down on a metal table and lift my shirt up to expose my stomach. Jesse sat on a chair behind my head and stroked my hair repeatedly, like a mantra. His hands were shaking. I still didn't understand why Jesse was so excited about me having a child. Not even _his _child! God, how much I wished it _was _his.

The nurse grabbed a tube of see through gel and applied some to my belly. I flinched at its coldness and Jesse's hands stilled. The nurse smiled reassuringly at us.

"The gel is supposed to help the scanner move smoothly over the skin." I heard Jesse let out a breath and his stroking started up again.

The nurse pushed a screen near us and pressed the scanner to my belly. The machine whirred and a blackish image filled the screen. I didn't move. Didn't breathe.

"See?" The nurse said. She pointed at the blob on the screen, "That's the head and this is the body with the limbs. You can't see much now - it's still early days - but it's forming nicely."

I smiled and tilted my head towards Jesse. He leaned down and kissed my forehead.

The nurse handed me a towel and I cleaned up the gel that hadn't been absorbed by my skin, pulled down my shirt, stood up and latched my hand onto Jesse's.

He squeezed my hand reassuringly and handed me my jacket. He hadn't said a word since we got to the clinic and it was starting to worry me. Maybe it hadn't been a good idea to invite him but he had seemed to excited about it!

My hand automatically went slack in his and Keith finally glanced at me with something more than fake excitement.

We carried on down the corridor in silence and it wasn't until we were in his car that I asked him if he was alright.

Jesse looked at me, confused, "Why wouldn't I be?"

I rolled my eyes and pulled my hair free from my band. "Seeing as you haven't uttered a word since we got to the clinic, I was wondering if you lost your tongue or something."

Jesse stared at the road ahead and didn't say anything until I pinched his arm.

"Maria." Was all he said. I slumped in my seat.

"Oh."

"Maria, Maria, Maria, Goddamned Maria." Jesse snapped, thumping the steering wheel. I didn't say anything. Didn't dare. "She tried to stop me from coming to see you."

"You mean she _knows_?" I asked, shocked.

He shook his head. "No, of course not. She didn't want me to leave the Goddamned house!" He violently jerked the car into his lane. "I need to get some stuff before I take you home." He said, almost apologising.

"Alright." I was quiet, playing with the sleeves of my jacket.

He reached out and touched my knee. "I won't take long and Louise isn't here. Come up with me."

Jesse parked the car and we got out and went to his apartment where he threw himself onto the sofa, face down, and lay still.

I pushed my hands onto his back and let my fingers knead the knotted muscles in his back.

He sat up and pulled his black shirt off and shifted so I could sit behind him.

As soon as I started on his neck, he dropped his head in his hands and groaned. I giggled and kissed his hair.

"I love you, _Querida_. Especially your massages." He moaned.

"I," I said, getting up, "Am going to make us some dinner." The scan had been at three and in between getting ready, getting to the clinic, signing papers, permission forms and so on, it had nearly taken up two hours and I was _famished_.

Jesse chuckled. "Dinner?"

"Yes," I called, wrenching the fridge door open, "Dinner. Or have you forgotten the meaning of food since that… _urgh_.. Came to see you? And when is she LEAVING?"

Jesse chuckled again and wrapped his arms around me, "Soon," He said, "And what I mean was: 'you can cook?'"

I turned round in his arms and said, "You bet."

He grinned and said, "OK, try me." He dropped his arms from around me and went off to the living room. A minute later, I heard soft jazz float from the speakers. He came back into the kitchen with two glasses of expensive looking wine. He handed one to me and kissed me softly.

"Our first meal together."

I laughed and we chinked glasses, both taking a sip before he kissed me again.

Jesse rested his glass onto the table and wrapped his arms around my waist, swaying to the music.

"Dance with me," He murmured and twirled me round in his arms.

"I can't dance!" I giggled, wrapping my arms around his neck. Jesse took the glass of wine from my hand and put it near his glass on the table.

"You are. You're dancing with me now." And I was. I was swaying gently to the music, in rhythm with those sexy steps of his. All I had to do was follow him.

I rested my head on his chest and wished we could stay like that forever. Pause the picture. Rewind and play it again… Pause, rewind, play…Pause, rewind, play…

The music sounded like a lullaby, soft and sad. But beautiful in every way. I cuddled closer to Jesse and he tightened his arms around me.

"Will you be the father of my baby?" I suddenly blurted out, then wished I hadn't.

He didn't answer straight away. "Yes," He finally said, "I will. As soon as everything is sorted the way I want it to be, we'll be together. I promise."

I stretched onto my tip toes and kissed him. He kissed me back, and we kept on dancing. Dancing through one song to the other.

After what seemed like an eternity, Jesse whispered, "I'm starving."

I stepped away from him, laughing and started to boil the sauce. All the while, Jesse was touching me in some way. Kissing me, stroking my back, my hair, helping me with something. It was all so unrealistic. I wished it would never end.

As soon as the sauce was cooked, I ordered Jesse to try it. He looked at me, mock insecure. "You know, I _have _noticed some of the washing up liquid is missing. Are you sure you don't want to poison me?"

I laughed. "Positive. And washing up liquid won't kill you. It will just make you feel _really _sick."

He arched an eyebrow. "You talking from experience?"

I waved it away. "A dare when I was a kid. It DID make me sick, though. Like a dog."

I held out the spoon with the sauce on it to him and he tried some, his eyes on me.

He stepped back. "OK, stranger. What have you done with my _Querida_?"

"I'll take it you like it?"

"I do."

"Good. You either do or you don't. if you do, you eat and if you don't then you won't eat. Take it or leave it."

"I take it." I kissed him and Jesse set about preparing the table.

As the pasta boiled, I looked at him. He was so…different since we first met. He changed a lot - positively- and I was head over heels for him. Which was stupid. I shouldn't be.

We ate the pasta and Jesse commented on my 'excellent cuisine' and I laughed. We talked a lot and by the time we finished, it was ten o'clock and I didn't want to go home.

"Don't go, then. It wouldn't be the first time you didn't sleep home. Stay with me tonight." Jesse urged.

I said I would and started washing up.

"Let me kiss you, Susannah, or I will dump the washing up liquid on your head." Jesse said.

"I need to finish this! I can't live with the thought of you eating Chinese Takeaway because you can't be bothered to wash dishes." I said, holding up a sparkling clean dish.

"It's a woman's job" Jesse replied, kissing me half off, half on the mouth.

"You _didn't_!" Referring to the 'woman's job' comment.

"I did!"

"Do you WANT to get me started?" I warned.

"No. Not really. What I want to do is kiss you senseless and then have you sleeping in my arms…Even though you do snore."

I threw soap bubbles at him. "I do NOT. _You're _the bed hog! Lying spread eagled with me pinned underneath you!"

"You like it," He teased, "Admit it. You like having manly weights on you."

"Only _you _though. I would have kicked anyone else." I dried my hands on a towel.

"I'm sure you would have. Kiss me now."

And I did. Wrapping my arms around his neck, stroking his hair and kissing him like I never have before.

Jesse slid one hand under my shirt and stroked my skin, like yesterday in my kitchen. In between kisses, I managed to say, "I love you," and hear him say it back.

"You silly girl, you are. We should live together." Jesse murmured against my lips.

"Mmm. We should. Any chance of me dressing up like Maria?" I agreed.

"No. Though you _could _dress up like her, but her bitchiness is hard to get to." He replied, kissing my neck.

"Huh! You haven't seen _me _on a role, then!" I tightened my arms around his neck as his lips made pleasurable dances on my skin. I shivered.

"Would you manage to spend 1000 pounds or more on make up or a really tarty dress?"

"Only if you liked it." Jesse nipped at my neck.

"I wouldn't. I love you because you dress simple. You don't get tarted up just to please a man. You don't give a damn."

I lifted his head and kissed him slowly, languidly. I wanted him so badly, and again I wished I wasn't pregnant.

"True." I said when we came up for air.

Someone cleared their throat and, as one, we turned to see who it was.

Jesse only tightened his arms around me as Maria said cattily, "Interrupted something, did I?"

"Yes" Jesse said just as I said "No!"

Maria only rolled her eyes. "Jesse, I'm disappointed."

"I'm not." He snapped.

"You know the consequences."

"I don't _give _a shit." I could only stare out the window as the two of them glared at each other.

"I love you." Maria said. Pathetic.

"I don't." Jesse said. Harsh. Meaning business.

"I'm not just _saying _it. I mean it, Jesse. This isn't just an arranged marriage for me." She pleaded. She sounded so true, my heart broke. Where had all this compassion come from?

"I think I should go-" I said.

"No. I don't want you to." Jesse replied.

"But-"

"Go wait for me in the bedroom. I'll be right there." Knowing I wouldn't be able to get out of it, I did as I was told and soon heard something break.

"How COULD you?" Maria screamed.

"I did! I love her! You KNEW I didn't want all this arranged marriage crap!"

"But a SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD WHORE?"

Silence.

Then: "Get out."

"Jesse-"

"_Get out_. I don't want to see you or hear you EVER AGAIN. Piss off. _Now!_"

The front door slammed.

I slumped onto the bed and hid my face. Such a beautiful evening, entirely ruined.

The bedroom door opened. "Susannah?"

"I'm alright." I muttered. Jesse sat down beside me and kissed my hair.

"I didn't want you to hear that." He apologised, pushing me down so I was lying half across his body.

"I've heard worse. Don't worry about it. How long do you think she'd been there?"

"Enough to figure everything out." Jesse replied, pulling at my shirt. I pulled it off then started on his own clothes. We found it easier to sleep if it was only us in our underwear. I hated it when he fell asleep in his jeans.

"Are we in trouble now?" I whispered.

"No" Jesse replied, too quick. Covering up the truth?

We lay under the covers and I held on tight to Jesse, as if I didn't hold him tight enough, he might go away.

I fell asleep and the only thought inside my head was that we were in trouble. Big trouble.

Was Jesse's love for me strong enough to keep us together?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed last time! I'm so happy and proud! I love you all!**

**Can you please review this chapter? Make me happy!**

**Reviews please??**

**- Ali**


	13. Chapter 13

**This is a bit of a sad chapter. I wrote it while listening to "Breathe no more", "Sweet Sacrifice" and "Going Under" by Evanescence. I hope you like it…**

**Chapter 13**

When I woke up, Jesse was still lying on the bed, frowning at the ceiling in deep thought. As soon as he caught me looking, he pressed his lips to my shoulder and tightened his hold on me as I tried to move.

"Jesse, it's late. We'll be late for school." I said quietly. The events of the night before were still vivid in my head. Especially the words that had caused Jesse to kick Maria out. For good? I didn't know. But I _did _know that whatever Jesse said, nothing good would come out of this.

His stubble was tickling my skin but I didn't say anything. He buried his head in my hair, breathing in deeply.

"At least let me go and have a shower."

"No." He replied, stubborn as always. He looked at me from under his eyelashes and behind his fringe with an evil smile on his face.

Faster than you can say 'Peter Piper Picked A Pickled Pepper', I was pinned under his strong, masculine body, capturing my lips in a hungry kiss.

"Jesse!" I protested lamely against his lips, but it sounded more like an urge for him to go on and not a protest at all.

I closed my eyes and enjoyed the kiss, hoping it wouldn't be the last.

He brushed his lips against mine in silent apologies, too quick to let me grab him, too little to make me suffer. His hands wound in my hair, his lips touched me, his eyes watched me…

When he finally pulled away, there was a far away look in his eyes, almost as if he wasn't seeing me, but someone in his future.

I slid off the bed and went to the bathroom, hoping the shower would put my miserable thoughts to peace.

The water was hot - painfully, dangerously hot - but I didn't care. I let it massage my body like my hands had massaged Jesse's tense muscles the previous night.

When I'd finished, I got out, got dressed and headed to the kitchen, where Jesse was sitting at the table, his head in his hands.

He looked up and smiled when I came in. "Are you hungry?" He asked.

I shook my head and went over to him. He opened his arms and I sat on his lap, cuddling up to him.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Earth to Susannah!" Finn waved his hand in my face and I glared at him.

"_What_?" I snapped. Finn smirked.

"Oh, nothing. I've just been asking you the same question for the past _half an hour_!"

I frowned. "Whatever. What do you want?"

"I was just wondering why you're so _off _today…?" Finn leaned his chin in his hand and looked at me.

"It's nothing. Just a bit of a headache." I smiled at him, hoping he didn't see through my façade.

Finn shook his head. "It's not that, is it? It's something else. It _has _to be. I mean, I was eating a chocolate Cadbury bar five minutes ago and you didn't even tell me to piss off."

I started the A5 note pas sheet into little pieces. "It's a long story. It's also something stupid and reckless. Something I shouldn't have done." Finn, after all, _was _the only one I could trust. Kind of.

And seeing as I _was _thinking about the whole Keith and me affair as a big mistake, then maybe I could spill my heart out to someone without mentioning any names. However, THAT plan went straight down the drain.

"You're not _pregnant _are you?!" Finn stage whispered, leaning over the table. I looked around the Study Centre, alarmed, but no one had been listening and no one, thankfully, heard.

Of course, it was _then _that I had to look down at my swelling belly with tears in my eyes.

"You are, aren't you?"

I nodded.

"Oh my God."

I nodded again.

"Oh my fucking _God_!"

Again, I nodded.

"Oh my-"

"Finn. Please."

"Sorry."

I shook my head. "Don't tell anyone. Please, Finn." I hated the sound of my voice. So bloody _insecure_!

Finn smiled gently at me. "It's alright. I won't say anything. Can I just ask you something?"

I nodded.

"Who's the father?"

"Sam Belling."

"Your friend with benefits?!"

"Yes. Oh Finn! It was such a stupid, terrible mistake and I can't get rid of it either!" I wanted to wail, lash out, cry, scream and laugh.

"Why not?"

"Because J- I mean, the person I'm with, the person I _love _wants me to keep it. He said he's going to help me with it. He said that he's going to stick by me and help me out…" I trailed off pathetically.

Finn regarded me for a long moment. "But," He said finally, "Is that what _you _want?"

"I don't know. Finn, please don't start on that Agony Aunt stuff! It _really _doesn't help." I said.

"Alright! I was just trying to help." He leant back in his chair, his arms crossed.

"I know, I know. Sorry, OK? I'm messed up now." I replied.

"Now? Not _just _now. For the rest of your life. I thought you said you wanted to go on to University and get a degree in English Literature. Remember? You can't even do _that _now."

I didn't answer. He was right. All I would do for the rest of my life was looking after a snotty, bratty, fatherless baby (Because let's face it, Jesse wasn't going to hang around after what happened with Maria) and all my dreams for the future would be destroyed.

All because the man I love had rejected me the first time.

"I.. I'll see you later. I need to go." I stood up, grabbed my stuff and left the Study Centre.

---------------------------

**English has been moved to Room 105 (Computer Room). Please make your way over as soon as you read this message. Jesse de Silva.**

No one was in the classroom, so I dawdled in the corridors that would lead to the Computer Room for as long as I could. I had no desire of seeing Jesse - nor that crushed expression he had in his eyes the whole ride to school.

Finally, seeing as I couldn't put it off any longer, I went into the Computer Room. Jesse was leaning against one of the desks, the register in his hands.

He didn't even look at me when I came in.

"Where have you been, Suze?" _Suze_. He never called me that and my heart shrivelled up at the sound. Had he given up on me?

"Nowhere."

"Why are you late, then?"

"None of _your _business, is it?" I snapped, walking to a spare computer.

He walked up behind me and said quietly, "Susannah, we need to talk." _The warning lines! _my mind screamed. "Come outside, please."

I got up and followed him out.

He turned around. "Why are you doing this?" He asked, his voice raw with emotion.

"Doing what?" I'm not going to back down until _he _tells _me _why he's doing whatever he's doing.

"This," He gestured at my defensive stance.

"_This_? I'm not doing ANYTHING. It's all your doing." I snapped.

"_My _doing?"

I nodded. "Yeah. This morning you looked like I was the biggest mistake in your life, when I came into the kitchen. On the way to school, you look like I just told you Jessica Alba was actually a man and _now_? You're acting as if I'm another one of your sick students!"

Jesse frowned. "I thought we already talked about this. I thought I told you that I'm SUPPOSED to treat you like another of my students in school."

"Yes, but not out of school. Jesse, answer this question: Outside of school, what am I to you?"

"Everything. You're _everything _to me outside of school. I thought I showed you last night."

"Defending my doesn't count. You never talk about the future or if you do, it always says 'it's going to be alright'. Well, here's the thing Jesse: It's NOT going to be alright."

Jesse closed his eyes. "Of course it is. I promised-"

"I told you I didn't believe in promises, remember? Because Everytime someone promises me something, it never works out."

"Susannah… If this is your reaction to last night then I'm sorry, OK? I didn't know Maria would show up. I had no idea." Jesse reached out to touch my arm. I didn't move away but I didn't move any closer either.

"I know. It's not that. It's just…. Jesse, it's really _really _hard to picture a future with you. Almost impossible. In all my 'dreams' you always leave me. _Always_. I don't want to be alone. Not again."

"I'm NOT going to leave you! How am I going to make you believe that?" Jesse choked out.

I knew what I was about to say was harsh.

Maybe I shouldn't say it, I thought.

Maybe you should. It's the only way. It's the only way you can _be _together.

I sighed and looked into those deep, dark liquid pool eyes of his.

"Break off the engagement." I said.

Jesse's face collapsed. And so did his body.

I watched him fall to the ground with horror on my face.

------------------------------------------------------

**I warned you it was sad people! Please leave a review or I will **_**not **_**update! At least five people… PLEASE??**

**Thank you to **smilee4faces2, I Want To Be Jesse's Girl, SoCalGurl101, plainlyironic, , uniqueillusion, MileyJoBroFan101, Hot'N'Exotic, lilmizz3vil, Rudhu, RID3RLVR, **and **twiihard13 **for leaving fantastic reviews! **

**Love you all,**

**~Ali**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

I watched his chest rise and fall painfully slowly. There were all kinds of wires taped to his chest and a thin white tube stuck to his top lip. They said it was to help him breathe. They said it could take a day or two for him to get enough strength back in his body to even open his eyes.

They also said that only a big amount of stress would cause such an attack to his heart. At his age, too. Twenty five, they said, was a young age for such heart attacks - even minimal ones. It was obvious for the way the nurse looked at me that she thought it was my fault - _I _thought it was my fault. It was too much to ask for him to break off the engagement. I knew it had been a stupid request as soon as it left my mouth. He'd told me so before hadn't he? He'd told me that he'd marry her and then divorce her as soon as he could.

I knew he wasn't marrying her for the money he knew he'd get. I knew he was marrying her to hide the fact that he loved me. I knew that if people found out, then our whole lives would be messed up.

I watched his chest rise and fall again and wondered if he would ever want to see me again.

I sighed and dropped my chin onto my knees which were tightly drawn up to my chest.

I continued to watch him, hoping he wouldn't leave me.

-------------------------------------------

**Month 2**

_I've decided to keep an account of my life until now for you, little one. It's only fair that you should know my story and why you're here inside me, and in seven months time you'll be in my arms finally._

_So here's the account of when I was six:_

_Mother and Father never got on. They were always fighting and Mack would sometimes (Always) get angry at me for cowering in my bedroom and not standing at the stairs, listening to them. I guess he was right, but what was a five year old supposed to do?_

_I remember it clearly though, the day I decided I was woman enough to sit at the stairs with Mack and listen to my parents._

_Of course, it had to turn out that I was better off not knowing._

_My father was angry that he had to look after me when my mother was out clubbing with her friends._

_It was normal for me to come home and find my parent's arguing. There isn't much a five year old girl can do to stop them, anyway._

_Mike was sitting on the stairs, listening to mum and dad fight. I did the same. At least we weren't kept in the dark._

_My father was hardly ever home, usually on business trips, so I didn't really know why he was home._

_Until I heard what he said._

"_She isn't my responsibility! You wanted her, you look after her!" He shouted._

_My mother was more quiet. "Ssh, she's upstairs, you know she'll hear."_

"_I don't give two pans of shit if she hears or not! It's not fair that you keep lying to her!" he replied. It was obvious they were talking about me._

_They only referred me to "her"._

_I listened on…._

_It turns out my mother had an affair with a man in Chicago when she won a ticket to America by buying a certain beauty product. My father hadn't known she had cheated on him until the day my mother told him she was pregnant._

_She tried to pass me as his. "It _is _yours!"_

_They hadn't had sex for five months. Before she left, during, and when she came back._

_I wasn't my 'fathers' daughter. I was the daughter of an unknown man standing in a club with a drink and a cigarette in his hand. _

_I never met my father and never wanted to._

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jesse's condition altered from critical to stable. They removed some of the strange wires and stuck a lighter IV in his arm.

This was two days later.

All I could do, all I _wanted _to do, was sit by him and stroke his hair away from his face. Maria had visited once, and I never moved from his side. She knew about us, then why should I leave him?

He stirred once or twice, but still his eyes didn't open.

I talked to him.

I kissed him.

I stroked his skin.

I loved him as much as I could.

------------------------------------------------------------

**Month 2**

_Little one, I bring you into this world with much love and want. I admit that if it wasn't for my only true love, you would never have made it here. I would have done what many pregnant girls my age would have done - I would have done what my mother wanted, just to get her off my back. I'm sure I would have regretted it later on in my life, but you aren't a regret for me now. I want you so much, I want you to love me the way I love you right now. You will probably ever be the only one who loves me. I'm your mother, after all, but the choice will be yours. You could either love me like you would a mother, or you can hate me like you would an enemy. It is your choice and I will not resent you for it. Ever. You have freewill and I will never deny you that. Ever._

_I plan on giving you this account on your sixteenth birthday. I want you to know everything about my life and my plans for yours - I don't like it when people (parents mostly) hide things from their sons/daugters. Of course, they will say everything has a reason. It doesn't mean you have to like it._

_Jesse is still in hospital, little one. I hope that one day you'll be lucky enough to meet him. He's lovely and loves me so much and I am so horrible to him._

_Maybe that saying is true. The one that goes: You'll only ever know what you had the day you lose it._

---------------------------------------------------------------

Jesse stirred again. His eyes moved behind his lids but still he didn't open them.

"Jesse? Can you hear me? Squeeze my hand once if you do." I whispered to him, kneeling by the bed.

His hand jerked in mine. I didn't know what it was but then he squeezed my hand.

What was I supposed to do if he was starting to wake up? Did I have to call a nurse?

"It's going to be alright, Jesse. I'm here. I'm not leaving you." I whispered. His lips twitched. A smile or a grimace?

I decided to ask him the question. "Do you want me to leave? Squeeze once if you do and twice if you don't."

A faint squeeze came. My hand went slack. Then another squeeze came.

I smiled.

A nurse came bustling in and saw me smiling. "Is he making any progress?" She asked snootily. I thought about telling her where to go but answered stiffly,

"Yes. He's starting to respond to me when I talk."

"You should of called us here straight away, miss." The nurse snapped, stalking over and twisting Keith's wrist to check his pulse. I glared at her. How could she be so violent? Weren't they trained to be respectful towards the people who were lying on the metal beds?

My annoyance was forgotten when Jesse squeezed my hand again. The nurse left, clipboard in hand, her nose in the air like a hunting dog.

"It's going to be alright," I whispered, stroking his hair, "You'll be out of here as soon as you get your strength back." Jesse's lips twitched again.

-------------------------------------------------------

**Month 2**

_I have to admit, I have noting ready for you yet, little one. The fact is, I don't even know if I'll - __**we'll **__- be staying in my mother's house, but I doubt it. I'm looking for a place for us to stay, but seeing as I haven't announced to the government that I am a single teenage mother to be (I don't want the social services on my back) then I can't even get the Government help. Seven months seems a long time away, but I know from experience that it's more like around the corner._

_Here's the second part to my childhood story:_

_My mother called me down from the stairs, where I was trying not to cry. My father was leaning against the fridge, his eyes on the floor. My mother grabbed me from the hair and slammed me against the table._

"_You little bitch! Tell him that you are his responsibility as much as mine!"_

"_I am your responsibility as much as mummy's." Don't ask me why I still called her 'mummy'. Maybe I was too scared to call her 'mother' or any other name for that matter. _

_My father looked at me with something in his eyes. A mixture between love and hatred. All I could do was wish that the hatred wasn't directed to me._

"_Susie, you know I love you, right?" Those words… Words I would never believe again._

_I didn't answer. I looked down. My mother started shrieking again. I couldn't place her between the calm one who had been talking to my father when I was on the stairs and the one who was shrieking at my father right now._

_I looked at the man in question. There were dark circles around his eyes and his mouth was hard, as if it never learned how to smile. I knew that he __**did **__know how to smile. He only ever did it for me, though._

_-------------------------------------------------------------_

The machine attached to Jesse that monitored his heart was lulling me to sleep, the gentle _beep, beep, beep_ asking my eyes lids to droop. I fixed my eyes to the green lines travelling across the black screen and hoped that I wouldn't fall asleep.

I couldn't fall asleep…

….couldn't…

…couldn't…

…couldn't…

-------------------------------------------------------

**A/N: Thank you for all of your reviews!! I know this wasn't much, but I wanted to get the Account idea up in time :D. What did you guys think? There's only one way you can tell me! :D **

**Leave a review! The little purple/blue button….**

**- Ali**


End file.
